Warning
by dejiko001
Summary: When Kaoru Matsubara found out from Butch Jojo, one of her closest friends, that he has feelings for Miyako Gotokuji, she knew their friendship could never be the same again.
1. Conflict

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the anime/manga of _Demashitaa! Powerpuff Girls Z_ nor its characters used in this fanfic.

 **A/N:** Hi, everyone! I know that I made an announcement long ago that I wouldn't start on any new PPGZ fanfics until my current ones were finished—and believe me, I'm still holding onto my word about that—but, at least let me clarify first why I'm posting this and not updating one of my current fanfics instead.

So, some of you may or may not know that writing has always been my joy _and_ outlet, especially when I was going through dark, rough times. It was an outlet for me to let out any feelings I had during those times—to _vent_ , essentially.

A few years ago, I hit an incredibly low point in my life where my self-esteem (and perhaps self-worth) had plummeted due to events that happened to me. I won't dive into details about what those events were (because those are personal, of course), but needless to say, those events hit me _hard_ , even when I was doing my best to recover and move on.

During that time period and its aftermath, I wrote a total of 3 Greenz-centric fanfics to vent: one incomplete draft of a one-shot that I wrote that I completely discarded after re-reading one page of it (because it resembled _too_ close to the events that happened to me), a short one-shot that highlighted just pure angst between Butch and Kaoru, and...this. This fanfic was my _third_ one that I had written to cope with all the events I had gone through, and this was the only one that made it through the end from when I was still trying to heal during the aftermath all the way until now.

When I originally wrote this, it was meant to be a one-shot (just like the two that preceded this), and I had intended it to just end at a certain point because not everything always has a happy ending. At the time, I felt like that was the most realistic ending I could give, but whenever I re-read what I wrote, it felt...incomplete. It didn't feel _right_. From my viewpoint as a writer (and reader), it felt like I wasn't giving closure to what I had written, so I decided that I'd keep writing—for _my_ sake and for my OTP's sake. It was only until very recently that I finished this supposed "one-shot," but when I noticed how _long_ it was and how I wrote it, I realized I had basically written a multi-chaptered fanfic...without even realizing it because everything I had written just accumulated over time. (Oops.)

And in case you're wondering, yes, I cried while I wrote this—multiple times, in fact. I even cried a few times when I re-read what I wrote because I was reminded of the emotions I had put into my words while writing and felt like I was reliving it—but this was my way to cope, and this was my way to slowly heal, one step at a time. I like to think that I've already moved on from those events that happened to me back then. My self-esteem (and self-worth) is better now than it was before during that dark time, and whenever I see any inkling of what affected me back then, I don't feel as heavily affected as I used to.

Truthfully, I didn't even consider posting this because it was a _vent_ fanfic. This was originally meant to be hidden from the world's eyes except mine and a few of my close friends, but I realized that most likely, somewhere out there in this world, another person might be feeling the same way I did while writing this fanfic—the same emotions I had felt and embedded into all these words I had written. Once I thought about it in that kind of perspective, it just felt like it'd be a shame if I didn't share what I wrote.

Now, before you dive in reading this, just a quick note: there's no such thing as black/white light, PPGZ/RRBZ, superheroes and supervillains, etc. This is all strictly AU, and all the relationships between the girls and boys will be revealed as you read along this fanfic.

Also, warning (no pun intended): there's a lot of coarse language...and a _lot_ of angst. If you feel uncomfortable by the coarse language, you can always hit that back button and leave the page. If the angst tugs at your heartstrings (or makes you cry), then hey, I did my job as a writer.

With all that said, enjoy.

* * *

 **Warning**

Chapter 1: _Conflict_

"You've _got_ to be kidding me."

Butch narrowed his eyes. "What?"

Kaoru shook her head slowly as she groaned. "You've just fucked yourself over, man."

"And how exactly did I do that, Matsubara?"

"Because of _her._ "

Butch raised an eyebrow.

Kaoru looked at him—straight into his eyes, in fact. "Miyako Gotokuji. She's bad news."

"Okay, you've always been a crazy bitch—"

Kaoru growled.

"But that just pretty much confirmed it. How the hell can Miyako Gotokuji be bad news? She's the perfect girl—"

"Do you have any fucking idea how many relationships that girl's been in?"

Butch frowned.

"That girl has been in so many fucking relationships, she has so many fucking guys chasing after her, she's fucking pretty, and she _knows_ it—"

"What's your point?" Butch growled.

Kaoru let out an exasperated sigh. "My _point_ is that you've just screwed yourself over by chasing after her."

"And?"

Kaoru groaned. "Didn't you hear what I _just_ said?"

"Yeah, I heard you, but that doesn't mean that I'll end up like the rest of those douchebags."

"Dude, I'm warning you right now that she's _bad news._ Getting involved with her means you're already ensnared in her little trap—"

Butch scoffed. "Matsubara, I get that you're fucking jealous of her—"

" _Jealous?!_ I'm _not_ jealous! Why would I be jealous of someone like her?!"

"You said so yourself that she's pretty, and she _is_ the perfect girl—"

"That girl is _not_ perfect. She's _manipulative_ —"

"See, now, you're just reaching a whole new low by insulting someone like her. You're fucking _jealous_ of her—"

"I'm _not_ jealous, damn it! You don't fucking understand how _manipulative_ that girl is—"

"Fucking _hell_ , Matsubara… When I confided in you about liking her, I didn't expect to get judged!"

Kaoru went quiet at this, and she glanced away.

"You're the first person I fucking told about this, you know."

Kaoru tried to open her mouth to say something— _anything_ —but before she knew it, Butch already scoffed and looked at her with disgust.

As she watched him walk away, she felt her heart sink even more.

* * *

"No one gets it," Kaoru muttered. Her head was on top of a café table, and she heard footsteps approaching, but she didn't lift her head.

"Get what?"

Kaoru recognized the voice immediately. "Go away, Boomer."

"Nah," she heard Boomer reply.

Kaoru lifted her head to see Boomer sitting across from her, and she frowned. "What are you doing here?"

Boomer shrugged. "I was passing by, and I saw you sulking in your little corner—"

Kaoru kicked him in the shin.

" _Ow!_ "

"Leave me alone. I'm not in the mood for your jokes. Seriously."

There was a long pause as Kaoru drank from her iced green tea.

"Something happen?"

"No," Kaoru lied through gritted teeth.

Boomer raised an eyebrow at her.

Kaoru stared at him in response.

Boomer sighed. "Something happened with Butch again, huh?"

Kaoru scoffed.

"Yup, I hit the mark."

"So?"

"So, what happened _this_ time?"

Kaoru's eye twitched.

"Well?"

"I can't tell you."

Boomer blinked. "Why not?"

"Because."

"Because?"

Kaoru shrugged. "Because."

"That's not a reason."

Kaoru sighed. "Look, I can't tell you, okay?"

"But it's related to my brother, right?"

Kaoru glanced away as she finished the last of her iced tea.

"It's about Miyako, isn't it?"

Kaoru flinched. "How—"

"You make the same face whenever she comes into the picture," Boomer deadpanned, and before Kaoru could retort, he added, "And I'm guessing my brother likes her?"

Kaoru only clenched her glass cup tighter in response.

Boomer stared at her, not saying a word.

After a long moment of silence, Kaoru asked, "Doesn't it bother you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, doesn't it bother you that you and your brother like the same girl?"

Boomer blinked. "You want my honest answer?"

Kaoru nodded.

"Well, yeah, it bothers the hell out of me." Boomer paused. "But, I know how you feel about her…and about my brother."

Kaoru immediately glared at him.

Boomer sighed, unfazed by her glare. "You should've told him sooner."

"And risk our friendship? Hell no. Besides, you know his type of girl: 75% looks, 25% personality."

"Come on, you know my brother isn't _that_ shallow—"

Kaoru scoffed. "Yeah, right."

Boomer sent her a small glare of his own.

"Look, you don't get it, okay? Neither does Butch. _No one_ fucking gets it."

"Get _what_ exactly?"

Kaoru frowned and hesitated for a few seconds before she finally muttered, "It's not fair."

Boomer stayed silent, indicating for her to continue.

"It's not fair for what's-her-face to…" Kaoru let out a long sigh. "She can get any fucking guy she wants—any fucking guy out there, Boomer. I'm not kidding. She's attracted college guys before, and we're in _eleventh grade._ She's pretty, and she fucking knows it." Kaoru paused before repeating again, but softly, "She's pretty, and she fucking knows it.

"And everyone sees her as fucking cute and innocent, but she's manipulative as fuck, so everyone _always_ fucking takes her side, and no one fucking sees how manipulative she is, except maybe me, you, and Brick. And, you know, just as expected, because she's pretty, nice, and all around 'perfect,' she attracts all the guys I've ever known, and to make it worse, _every_ guy I've ever crushed on or even had some inkling amount of feelings for fell for her the minute they fucking interacted with her. Narushima, Urawa, and now, even…" Kaoru's voice trailed off before she sighed.

Boomer stayed silent in response.

"Hell, even _you_ like her." Kaoru paused. "No offense."

"None taken," Boomer replied.

"It's just… It's unfair." Kaoru let out a long sigh, and she whispered bitterly, "It's really unfair."

There was a long moment of silence.

"So, what are you going to do?" Boomer asked.

Kaoru raised an eyebrow at him.

"About my brother, I mean."

Kaoru frowned for a moment before she shrugged. "He seemed pretty pissed at me. I don't know if he still wants to talk to me at this point."

"Brick's more of the type to hold a grudge. Butch? Not so much."

"Yeah, but—"

"It'll be fine. Just go talk to my brother again after he cools down."

Kaoru could only frown in response.

* * *

It had been a couple of days, and Butch still hadn't texted her at all.

"Guess the fucker's still pissed off," Kaoru muttered bitterly as she stared at her phone.

She didn't understand why so many guys were attracted to Miyako. She was so manipulative, but guys still liked her nonetheless. Hell, everyone liked her.

Compared to Kaoru, Miyako was like…some goddess.

Kaoru let out a long sigh.

How did she even get into this position? Maybe if she never started liking Butch, she wouldn't be feeling as… _hurt_ as she would be right now. Hell, she didn't even understand how she started liking him, anyway. It just… _happened_. They had grown close—so close to the point where they could confide in each other about anything and sit comfortably next to each other with their knees touching, their thighs just a few centimeters away, and their heads always near each other's.

Out of all the people he had to like, it had to be for the one girl that Kaoru just couldn't stand.

"Fuck my life," Kaoru muttered as she went to go lie down on her bed. She was _tired_ —tired from feeling exhausted over dealing with Butch and her overwhelming thoughts, confusion, and heartache.

She just wished that she never fell for Butch.

Maybe then, this never would've happened.

* * *

"So, you're not talking to Kaoru?"

Butch turned his head toward Boomer, and he narrowed his eyes.

Boomer blinked. "It's been a few days already, hasn't it?"

"Fuck off," Butch retorted.

"I know you like Miyako."

Butch didn't respond.

"And I know that you got into a fight with Kaoru—"

"If Matsubara confides in you so much, why don't you just go comfort her, huh?" Butch spat, glaring at Boomer. "What? Did she send you to talk to me because she doesn't have the guts to come crawling to me to even say sorry?"

Finally, Boomer scowled. "No. I'm doing this on my own accord. You're being stupid—"

"Oh, yeah, and this is coming from the _dumbass_ in the family—"

"You can insult me however much you want, but I draw the _line_ with Kaoru," Boomer retorted as he frowned. "You two haven't made up for the past couple of days. At this rate, your friendship _will_ break apart."

Butch frowned and said nothing.

"Unless you're going to tell me that liking Miyako is a hell of a lot more worth it than losing Kaoru as a friend."

"Fuck off."

Boomer sighed in exasperation. "You know, Kaoru hasn't been herself for the past couple of days."

Butch scoffed as he turned away. "So?"

"Urawa noticed."

Butch's eyes widened, and his head shot to Boomer immediately.

Boomer continued to frown and narrowed his eyes. "If you don't do something, Urawa will come in and snatch Kaoru away."

Butch narrowed his eyes back. "And? What do I care? I've been knowing he likes Kaoru—"

"I meant that he'll steal her as a _friend_ from you. And knowing that guy, he's probably going to give even more of an incentive for Kaoru to start hating your guts."

"So?"

"Meaning you'll lose her _for good_."

Butch scoffed.

Boomer continued to glare at Butch before he sighed in defeat. "Fine. Just don't come home all pissed when you find out that I'm right."

Butch rolled his eyes as Boomer walked away.

Still, Butch's heart couldn't help but sink at the thought of losing Kaoru, whether he liked to admit it or not.


	2. Heartbreak

**Warning**

Chapter 2: _Heartbreak_

Two weeks had passed since Butch had last talked to her—since he had last walked away from her with that look of scorn on his face.

"Maybe this is a sign," Kaoru muttered as she stared at a nearby movie poster. She was currently at the movie theater to watch a movie adaption of a video game series. Honestly, she hadn't been in the mood to leave the house. The only reason why she went was because Natsuki had invited her to hang out, and Kaoru figured it was best that she'd stop sulking and do _something_ , at least, so she took up on his offer.

"You interested in watching that movie, Matsubara?"

Kaoru turned her head to look at Natsuki, who was carrying a large bag of popcorn and a cup of soda. "Nah, not really."

"You were staring at it pretty intently, though," Natsuki said as he grinned. "Sorry I took a while. They had to make a fresh batch or something like that."

"It's fine," Kaoru replied before sipping from her cup of soda. "Let's just head in already."

Natsuki chuckled. "Think this movie will be any good?"

"Maybe? The video games are pretty good."

"Yeah, but it doesn't mean that they still can't fuck it up with this movie."

Kaoru couldn't help but laugh. "That's true."

Finally, they arrived in the theater the movie was airing at, and they went to go take their seats.

Natsuki sat beside her, and he held up his bag of popcorn. "Popcorn?"

"The movie hasn't even started yet, man," Kaoru replied as she grinned.

Natsuki held the bag of popcorn closer to her, and he smiled when Kaoru finally gave in and grabbed it. "I knew you couldn't resist."

"Shut up," Kaoru replied before grabbing a handful of popcorn and eating it. "When's the movie going to air?"

"Soon."

Kaoru rolled her eyes. "Soon being when?"

Natsuki laughed, but before he could reply, the lights slowly began to turn off. He grinned and whispered in her ear, "Now, apparently."

Kaoru flinched when she felt his breath against her ear, but she figured he didn't mean anything by it. After all, the movie's audio was blaring throughout the entire theater, so maybe he figured that she wouldn't be able to hear him unless he whispered.

As the movie's introduction began, Kaoru glanced at Natsuki, whose attention was on the screen. A part of her was now getting certain vibes from Natsuki—vibes that said maybe this was a date, which meant that he was into her. But, then she remembered that Natsuki used to like Miyako and probably still did.

Kaoru resisted the urge to scoff by forcing herself to focus on the movie.

Maybe hanging out with him wasn't a good idea, after all.

* * *

"So, what did you think about the movie?" Natsuki asked after they left the movie theater. They were now waiting for the pedestrian walk signal to turn green, so they could cross the street.

"It was surprisingly pretty good," Kaoru replied honestly. "It wasn't the same as the video game series, but still pretty good."

Natsuki nodded in agreement. "I expected it to be about the video game series."

"Same here."

Natsuki looked at his watch.

Kaoru raised an eyebrow. "Tight on time?"

Natsuki turned his head to look at her, and he shook his head. "Nah. I just noticed that it's past lunch. You want to grab a bite to eat?"

Once again, warning signals were going off in Kaoru's head, but she decided to ignore them. It wasn't like he'd ever be interested in her. Even if he was, Kaoru just…didn't think of him that way anymore.

Kaoru couldn't help but frown as the thought of Butch creeped into her mind.

Natsuki noticed this, so he frowned as well. "I'm guessing you're not hungry?"

Kaoru immediately snapped out of it, and she shook her head. "No, I'm hungry."

Natsuki chuckled. "Even after you hogged most of the popcorn?"

"Says the guy who handed me it."

Natsuki snorted. "Well, anyway, you up for a burger? We can go to McDonald's. There's one that's two blocks away from here."

Kaoru debated for a moment before she frowned again. "How about ramen? There's a ramen restaurant in the other direction."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that place."

Kaoru rolled her eyes as she grinned. "Of course."

"Hey, I thought maybe you'd be up for a burger, okay? I was just trying to be considerate."

Kaoru couldn't help but laugh.

The two of them continued to chat until they arrived in the ramen restaurant. Natsuki entered first, leaving the door open for Kaoru as she followed behind him. However, she immediately froze when she recognized someone sitting in the back of the restaurant.

It was Butch.

His back was to the door, thankfully, but she knew that hair and posture of his anywhere. Still, he looked confident, almost as if he was…trying to impress someone…

At that point, Kaoru finally took notice of the blonde sitting across from him, and her heart instantly dropped.

It was none other than Miyako Gotokuji.

Kaoru gulped inaudibly before she quickly made her way to the table Natsuki was sitting at.

"You're zoning out a lot today," Natsuki said when Kaoru finally sat down.

Kaoru shrugged.

Natsuki frowned. "Is there a reason behind it?"

"Nothing's wrong, if that's what you're implying," Kaoru replied nonchalantly. It was a lie, of course. Her heart was aching, everything was hurting, and her chest felt heavy. In fact, she found it difficult to breathe as she felt the growing lump in her throat.

"You don't seem okay."

Kaoru did her best to not flinch or let any of her emotions show, so she hoped that her eyes weren't already glistening with tears when she looked at him. "I'm fine. Trust me."

Natsuki stared at her, completely unconvinced, and finally, he sighed. "I know."

Kaoru blinked in confusion at his tone.

"I know about you and Butch."

Kaoru said nothing. A part of her was worried that if she dared to open her mouth, all her emotions would spill outward, and she refused to break down in public with Butch nearby.

"He's such an asshole," Natsuki grumbled.

Kaoru finally regained her composure as she let out a shaky breath. She hoped that Natsuki hadn't noticed, so she gulped inaudibly. "What are you talking about?"

"I, uh, heard that you two had a fight."

Kaoru scowled. "Who did you hear that from?"

"A couple of my friends, who heard from their friends, and, well, you get the idea."

Kaoru stayed silent as her scowl grew.

"I heard you guys get into fights from time to time, but considering how you reacted when you saw him earlier with, uh, Miyako…"

Kaoru resisted the urge to flinch upon hearing Miyako's name, so she sighed. "I had a fight with him over something stupid, okay?" Kaoru paused before she narrowed her eyes suspiciously at Natsuki. "You aren't jealous of the guy, are you?"

"For scoring a date with _the_ Miyako Gotokuji?" Natsuki paused as he hesitated. "Well, I mean…kind of, yeah."

Kaoru rolled her eyes. "Of course."

Natsuki blinked in surprise at her tone.

Kaoru didn't want to stay any longer. The fact that her ex-crush was still crushing on Miyako was like rubbing salt on her wounds. Finally, she sighed. "Look, I'm not hungry anymore, so I'm leaving now."

Natsuki's eyes widened. "What? Wait, Matsubara—"

Kaoru ignored Natsuki as she left the restaurant, never once looking back.

* * *

Kaoru arrived home somehow without shedding a tear. She was pretty sure that her gloom-and-doom face was apparent for the entire world to see, but she didn't really care. She dragged her feet up the stairs and entered her room. Once she closed the door, she went to go lie down on her stomach on top of her bed.

As if on cue, she felt her phone vibrate, and she turned to her side as she groaned. She took out her phone, looked at the caller ID, and accepted the video call request. "What do you want, Boomer?"

Boomer's grin immediately dropped when he saw Kaoru's facial expression. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Kaoru retorted hastily.

"Kaoru, I know that face. What happened?"

Kaoru stared at Boomer, his eyes full of concern, and as every silent second passed, she felt her heartache grew. She was finally in her room—at _home_ of all places. She could finally let her emotions run free, if she wanted to, but Boomer was there, staring at her in silence, and Kaoru refused to let her emotions take control of her.

Finally, Kaoru let out a shaky breath. "I saw Butch."

Boomer's eyes widened momentarily, but he stayed silent when he saw Kaoru hesitate to continue.

Kaoru felt that lump in her throat again, but she refused to let her emotions show. After a moment of her hesitance, she finally managed to mutter, "With _her_."

At that point, Boomer's eyes widened completely, staring at her in shock.

The image of Butch talking with Miyako at the restaurant suddenly appeared in Kaoru's head again. The way he appeared so confident, so himself—it was as if he was unaffected by their fight, as if he didn't even _care_.

Kaoru snapped out of it when she realized how blurry her vision got and how wet her cheeks were. She shut her eyes, wanting the tears to stop, but they just continued to overflow.

"Kaoru," Boomer called out in concern.

Kaoru's eyes opened in shock when she remembered Boomer was on the other line. Her heart plummeted when she realized that she had allowed someone to see her when she was so vulnerable, so weak, so _spineless_ for stupidly crying over this that she tried to say _something_ , but instead, it came out as a choked sob before she abruptly ended the call.

She shut her mouth, muffling the sound of her sobs as she finally let her emotions take her over. Over all her past crushes, she had never cried over them—not once, and the fact that she was crying over Butch of all people made her realize how stupid she was to fall for him.

In that moment, she realized that he just wasn't worth it.


	3. Revelation

**Warning**

Chapter 3: _Revelation_

Butch arrived home with a large grin on his face. To him, today was a good day—or at least, it was enough to forget about what was going on between him and Kaoru. He managed to talk to the girl of his dreams, Miyako Gotokuji, all thanks to a random person accidentally bumping into him.

Butch had bumped into her, which caused Miyako to drop her bags, and just as he was going to apologize and yell at the asshole who bumped into him, he realized that it was Miyako that he bumped into. He quickly took that moment as a chance to at least take her out to lunch to make it up to her.

The conversation with Miyako went swimmingly. In fact, it even seemed like a little lunch date, and although Butch offered to pay for her portion, Miyako declined, not wanting to impose on him further.

Basically, Butch had made one step forward to wooing her, or at least, he made himself exist on her radar, and it was in a positive light than a negative one. He had thought that it was too soon to ask for her e-mail address, though, so he had said that he'd see her around.

As he recalled her smile and nod, Butch's grin grew.

It wasn't until Butch finally looked up after taking off his shoes that he saw Boomer glaring at him.

Butch didn't want his mood to sour, but he couldn't help but frown in confusion. "What?"

Boomer stayed silent as he continued to glare at Butch, but this time, Butch sensed anger emitting from him.

Butch continued to frown, but he decided to shrug it off as he tried to walk past Boomer, who quickly stood in his way. "What the hell do you want?"

"Who the hell were you with?" Boomer snarled, ignoring Butch's question.

Butch slowly raised an eyebrow, still frowning. "How do you—"

"Who the _hell_ were you _with?_ " Boomer repeated, his tone darkening.

Butch furrowed his brow before he scoffed and gave a slight smirk. "Miyako Gotokuji, of course."

At once, Butch felt himself slammed into the nearest wall, and he winced.

"What the hell is _wrong_ with you?!" Boomer yelled, further tightening his grip on the collar of Butch's shirt.

" _Me?!_ The fuck is up with _you?!_ " Butch exclaimed, grabbing onto Boomer's wrists and squeezing them tightly. "If you wanted to make a move on her, you should've done so sooner!"

Boomer growled in response.

Butch's eyes narrowed in confusion. He knew that it was unlike Boomer to get this angry, even if it was over a girl.

"You fucking _moron_ ," Boomer spat before he let go of Butch.

Butch glared at him. "What was that?"

In that instant, Brick came stomping down the stairs, and he glared at them. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Ask _him!_ " Butch exclaimed, pointing to Boomer. "This fucker here just slammed me into the damn wall for no good reason!"

"It's because of _you!_ " Boomer yelled in anger, and he was about to pounce on Butch until Brick quickly stood in his way.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the hell is up with you?" Brick asked.

"It's _his_ fault!" Boomer spat, glaring at Butch.

At that point, Butch was already walking away and heading up the stairs.

"Boomer, what are you talking about?" Brick asked calmly, placing his hands on Boomer's shoulders.

"It's his fault, damn it!" Boomer screamed.

" _Why?_ " Brick pressed. "What happened?"

Just as soon as Butch reached the second floor, he heard silence and figured that Boomer had quieted down. He then glanced back and saw that Boomer muttered quietly to Brick about something, which made Brick's eyes widen.

Still, Butch paid no heed as he went inside his room.

* * *

Later that evening, Butch heard two knocks on his bedroom door. He had been lying down on his floor, staring at the ceiling since the scuffle with Boomer downstairs and wondering why Boomer was so pissed.

"Come in," Butch called after he heard another knock, but he didn't bother to sit up.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Butch recognized that voice to be Brick's and scowled. "Are you here to criticize me, too?"

"Get the hell up."

Butch sighed before he stood up to face Brick. "What do you want?"

Brick shut the door behind him, and he scowled. "Isn't it obvious? Now, tell me what the hell happened between you and Boomer."

Butch shrugged. "He's just pissed that I got a date with Gotokuji and he didn't."

"And you _realize_ that's a shitty move you pulled, right?"

Butch scowled. "So? It's none of your business—"

"No, it _is_ my business because my brothers are fighting, and I'm trying to resolve this shit before it escalates! I don't want to come home one day and find that one of you has beaten the other into a bloody pulp over something like this."

Butch continued to scowl. "So?"

Brick narrowed his eyes.

"Look, he's just pissed that I got a date with Gotokuji! He's not the only one who likes her!"

Brick's eyes widened momentarily before his face became stoic. "Does Boomer know this?"

"Yeah," Butch grumbled.

"And you _still_ don't know why he's pissed at you?"

Butch frowned. "What the hell are you talking about? What other reason would there be?"

Brick continued to scowl in silence before he sighed in exasperation. "My fucking God…"

"What?"

"Look, I'm only going to say this once because Boomer's apparently refraining from telling you this, and I don't blame him for that since he probably thinks that it's better if you hear it directly from the horse's mouth. But, if you two are going to keep this up, then I may as well tell you."

Butch blinked a few times in confusion before furrowing his brow at Brick's monologue.

Brick let out a long sigh. "Matsubara _likes_ you."

A few seconds of silence passed before Butch finally scoffed. "Uh, wait, what?"

"You heard me," Brick retorted, narrowing his eyes.

"No, no, no, that can't be…" Butch muttered as his face blanched in shock.

Brick ignored Butch's muttering and continued to narrow his eyes. "Apparently, Matsubara caught you on that little lunch date with Gotokuji. Boomer's angry at you not just because you went out with Gotokuji, which is an _asshole_ move from you, by the way, since you and I both know that he's been crushing on her for God knows how long, but also because Matsubara apparently _cried_ over you."

Butch's eyes widened before he muttered, "What?"

"Do with this information however you like," Brick said, ignoring Butch's facial expression as he turned around and left the room.


	4. Confrontation

**Warning**

Chapter 4: _Confrontation_

Kaoru video called Boomer the next day after she calmed down, and she told him to forget that she cried or at least not mention it anymore.

Boomer seemed reluctant, but when he saw the pleading expression on Kaoru's face, he sighed in defeat and agreed.

After that, their conversation continued as normal, as if she never cried in the first place. Boomer had even offered to hang out with her, and she was more than happy to go with him. They both went to the arcade, and of course, she beat him at nearly every arcade game there was.

Slowly, a week had passed, and with every passing day, Kaoru still felt her heart ache every now and then when she thought of Butch, but she pushed the thought of him out of her mind. She reminded herself constantly that he wasn't worth her pain, time, and tears. If he really valued Miyako more than his friendship with Kaoru, then Kaoru would rather have their friendship break off now than later down the road.

Kaoru admitted that it hurt because he wasn't just a friend, but still someone she liked—deeply. Of course, she never confessed to him, but it didn't matter anymore. She wanted to move on already, and she knew that the only thing that could heal her was just time.

Currently, Kaoru was watching a soccer game on TV in the living room as she munched on some popcorn.

"Kaoru!" Kaoru heard her mother call.

"Yeah, Mom?" Kaoru exclaimed.

"I'm going to go grocery shopping! Do you need anything?"

"No!" Kaoru paused before she added, "Wait, do you need me to come with you?"

"No, honey, it's okay! I'll be back later!"

"All right!"

Kaoru heard the front door close and lock in the distance, so she assumed that her mother had already left. Her eyes remained glued and engrossed on the soccer game on TV until she heard her phone vibrate.

Thinking that it was Boomer, she immediately picked it up and held it against her ear. "What's up?"

There was a moment of silence on the other end.

Kaoru frowned. "Hello?"

Kaoru heard the other person clear their throat. "Uh, long time no talk."

Kaoru's heart dropped as her eyes widened when she realized that it was none other than Butch, and within that instant, she felt a sudden wave of emotions overcome her as her entire body froze.

"Are you free right now?" Butch asked.

Kaoru gulped inaudibly, wondering why she couldn't bring herself to _move_ or even hang up already on him because he wasn't worth her time anymore.

"Matsubara?"

Kaoru bit her tongue lightly before she finally said, "What?"

"Uh, did you hear me?"

"I heard you."

"So, are you free right now?"

Kaoru glanced at the TV, which was still playing the soccer game. "No."

There was a small moment of silence before she heard Butch reply softly, "Oh."

Kaoru frowned, wondering if he sounded disappointed, but she dismissed that thought from her mind when she saw the team she was rooting for scored yet another goal. "Look, I got to go."

"Oh, uh, all right, then. I guess I'll see you later?"

Kaoru felt her breathing hitch at his last sentence as her chest began to lighten with hope, and she wondered if he wanted to make up.

But, then she remembered that she couldn't be friends with him—not while she continued to like him, at least. If she continued to stay friends with him while hiding her feelings, it would be too damn heartbreaking to see him try to get closer with Miyako, and judging by how Kaoru broke down last week, she knew that she just couldn't handle it anymore.

"Matsubara?"

Kaoru broke out of her thoughts when she heard Butch's voice, and she sighed. "Uh, Butch, look, I need to tell you something."

Butch stayed silent.

Kaoru let out a shaky breath, but she hoped that he didn't hear that. "There's no other way to put this, but…I don't think we can be friends anymore."

There was another moment of silence.

Kaoru blinked a few times in confusion, feeling that tightness in her chest growing with anxiety as every silent second passed. Finally, she licked her lips and asked, "Butch?"

"Why?" Butch finally replied.

"I…" Kaoru's voice trailed off, wondering how she should put it. Finally, she managed to piece her thoughts and words together, and she sighed. "Look, we fight way too damn much."

"So?"

"It's not exactly a healthy friendship."

Butch stayed silent.

"And, uh, look, I'm sorry for blowing up at you over Gotokuji a while back. I didn't mean for it to come off that way. I just didn't want you to get hurt like all of those guys did before you, you know?" Kaoru paused, forcing a fake smile come onto her face. "Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with Gotokuji. I really do. But for now, I got to go, so…bye."

Kaoru didn't hear Butch say anything, so she quickly hung up, not wanting to hear more from him. She then stared at his contact information and debated if she should delete it to force herself to move on, but her thoughts quickly dissipated when she saw that she was out of popcorn.

"Great, time to make more," Kaoru grumbled.

* * *

Butch let out a long sigh as he finally hung up on the phone.

"Oh, so you decided to talk to her, huh?"

Butch turned his head around to see none other than Brick in the doorway of the kitchen, and he frowned in response. He hadn't realized that Brick was already home from his date with Momoko Akatsutsumi, his girlfriend.

"She broke off the friendship, didn't she?" Brick asked, raising an eyebrow.

"None of your business," Butch retorted.

Brick sighed. "I knew it."

Butch narrowed his eyes.

"Well, you happy now?"

"Why the hell should I be happy?"

Brick shrugged. "Aren't you one step closer to getting the so-called girl of your dreams?"

Butch glanced away in response.

Brick stayed silent, waiting for Butch to say something, but when he didn't, Brick sighed and was about to leave the room until he heard Butch clear his throat.

"What should I do?" Butch asked.

Brick frowned. "I don't know. Why don't you ask Boomer?"

Before Butch could say another word, Brick left the room.

Was this really happening? Did Kaoru seriously just…break off their friendship? He didn't even get the chance to confirm that she really did like him. Maybe Brick was just trying to pull the wool over his eyes, but he knew Brick wasn't the type to lie over something like this.

Plus, as much as he wanted to deny that she liked him, the evidence was right there in front of his face—or rather, in his memories. After Brick had told him about Kaoru's feelings, he finally managed to piece everything together.

Whenever he had talked about Miyako to Kaoru, he always noticed that there was a distant look in her eyes, but he never pointed it out to her. At first, he thought that maybe he was just seeing things because that sort of look on her was just so _unlike_ her. Eventually, he figured that Miyako must've been a touchy subject, but he never pressed her to tell him anything. If she wanted to tell him, it'd be on her own accord; otherwise, it wasn't his business or his right to know.

Butch knew that it was wrong of him to like the same girl as his younger brother, but he couldn't help it. Everything about Miyako _screamed_ the perfect dream girl, so how could he _not_ fall for her? So, of course, he was pissed that Kaoru would judge him for it when he told her; he had expected that at least she, out of all the people he knew, would be understanding of his situation. But, now that he thought about it, he could've sworn he saw a glimpse of hurt—maybe even heartbreak—in her eyes when he had told her.

Still, he couldn't just easily change his feelings with a snap of his fingers. His feelings for Miyako had grown over time. He knew that his feelings for her weren't as strong as Boomer's, but having lunch with her somehow relieved him of the stress he was facing with Kaoru.

So, even if he confirmed with Kaoru that she had feelings for him, he would have to reject her.

"Shit, maybe that's why she broke it off," Butch muttered absentmindedly as he went to go sit down on one of the chairs at the small dining table.

He thought about Miyako again, wanting to see her just for a bit to relieve him of this stress he was facing with Kaoru, but the thought of her didn't help. It didn't relieve him of the ache that he felt in his chest—that nagging sensation he felt, even during his time with her at the ramen restaurant. Maybe he was just running away from Kaoru? Now that he thought about it, maybe they were both running away from each other: he wanted to avoid Kaoru's feelings for him, whereas Kaoru wanted to just avoid… _him_.

Was he ready for this? Did he really want to lose Kaoru's friendship over something like this? Surely, they could've worked something out, couldn't they? But, how could they try when she just broke it off? And he was pretty sure that Boomer didn't want to help him, considering how he tried to woo Miyako and hurt Kaoru to the point where she… _cried_.

Butch gulped inaudibly. He had never once seen Kaoru cry— _ever_. And to know that she had cried over him made him feel incredibly uncomfortable…and guilty.

He finally let out a long sigh before he dialed Boomer's number. After he heard Boomer pick up, Butch said, "I know you're pissed at me, but I need your help."

There was a long pause.

"Boomer?"

"After what you've done, you want to ask me for my help?" Boomer retorted over the phone. "What makes you think I'd help you?"

Butch refrained from snapping, and he let out a long, heavy sigh. "Matsubara broke it off."

There was a short pause before Boomer finally exclaimed, "Wait, what?"

"You heard me."

Boomer sighed. "I _told_ you."

"You did _not_ tell me."

"Well, the next step is Urawa making Kaoru hate your guts, so, I mean, I'm pretty close."

"Boomer. Seriously. I need your help."

"Why? Butch, look, I get it. You're my brother. We have each other's backs. But you pretty much betrayed that when you went out on a date with _Miyako_."

Butch glanced at the floor in shame. Shit, why was he feeling so guilty? Maybe it was because of Kaoru. This was the effect that she had on him. She always had a way of making him feel regret or sympathy whenever he did insensitive things. It was as if she was his missing conscience or something.

"And honestly, I don't know why you want my help with Kaoru."

"Well, she likes me, right?" Butch asked.

Boomer stayed silent.

"Right?" Butch repeated, even though he knew the answer already.

Boomer finally let out a long sigh. "Who told you?"

"Brick. Who else?"

"Well, I was hoping _Kaoru_ would've told you, but I guess that didn't happen…"

"That's why I need to talk to her! You're the only person I know that's as close to her as I am." Butch paused. "Or, well, _was_ , I guess."

"And it's _because_ I talk to her that I think it's best that you don't interfere with her life anymore."

Butch narrowed his eyes, almost in fury. " _What?_ "

"Butch, she _likes_ you to the point where she fucking _cried_ over you. I've known her past crushes, but she never once _cried_ over them, even when she was moving on." Boomer paused. "Well, they were pretty tough for her to move on from. I guess some scars still remained…"

Butch raised an eyebrow. "Scars?"

"I'm not going to tell you about those."

Butch scoffed. "It's not like they involve Miyako or anything, do they?"

There was a long pause.

Butch let that sink in for a moment before he finally muttered, "Oh, my God, they did."

Boomer sighed. "Like I said, I'm not saying anything. If you want to know that badly, then talk to Kaoru about it."

"Then, help me!"

"I'm _not_ going to help you."

"Boomer, she broke off our _friendship_. I know her well enough that if I try to talk to her in public or even try to _call_ her, she's going to ignore me and act like I don't fucking _exist_."

And in that moment, Butch felt the heaviness in his chest grow to a dull, incessant ache—an ache that he wished would _stop_ already.

"Boomer, come on, man," Butch muttered. " _Please._ "

There was a short pause before Boomer asked softly, "Do you really like Miyako, Butch?"

Butch hesitated before he muttered, "Yeah."

"Do you think she's worth losing Kaoru?"

Would she help make this pain go away? He had to admit that he didn't know Miyako that well at all, compared to Boomer. But, was she _worth_ it?

"Butch?"

Butch hesitated before he sighed. "No."

"And why's that?"

Because he felt this heaviness in his chest that just wouldn't fucking go away, of course. But, Butch couldn't respond like that. It was unlike of him to really feel anything like this.

Boomer sighed. "Butch, be honest with me. Are you hurting?"

Butch blinked. "What?"

"Does your heart feel heavy?"

Butch hesitated. "What the hell does this—"

"Yes or no?"

Butch gulped inaudibly. "Yeah."

"How heavy does it feel?"

There was a small pause before Butch muttered in a heavy tone, "Extremely."

"And you're still sure—even with that pain—that you like Miyako?"

Butch narrowed his eyes. "What?"

"Do you _really_ like Miyako? Are you sure that there's not a part of you deep down that _actually_ has romantic feelings for Kaoru?"

Butch thought about it. He had noticed that the two of them had gotten physically closer as their bond became stronger, but…

"Are you sure that you're not actually _confusing_ your feelings for Miyako with Kaoru?" Boomer asked softly.

"I don't like Matsubara," Butch snapped. "We're just friends—or, well, _were_."

"Okay, but let's say you were in this situation with Miyako instead of Kaoru. Would you feel the same as you are now?"

Butch scrutinized his eyes. "Of course not."

"So, why are you feeling this way about Kaoru? Shouldn't you be unaffected, like how you felt about all of the girls you flirted with and hit on before Kaoru or Miyako came into the picture?"

Butch became uneasy. He knew Boomer was perceptive and had a way with words, but the more this conversation continued, the more he felt like he was being pressured into liking Kaoru. Did he like Kaoru? Of course not! But…Boomer had a point. It was because this was all over Kaoru that Butch felt this way. If it was anyone else, he wouldn't give a damn at all.

"I'm guessing from your silence that you're thinking about this, too." There was a short pause before Boomer sighed. "Look, I'll help you with Kaoru."

Butch immediately sat up with his back straight, unaware that his eyes lit up. "What?"

"But _only_ to help give her closure. I don't want her crying over you anymore."

Once again, Butch felt guilty.

"I'll let you know when I think of a plan on how to get the two of you talking again."

"No need for that. Just tell her to meet you at the arcade near the Pac-Man game."

"Bro, I get you're rash and all, but are you sure about this? Don't you want more time to think about how you want to talk to her? Because there _is_ still a chance that the both of you will argue about it instead of having a heart-to-heart conversation."

"We won't argue—"

" _You_ won't, but _she_ might," Boomer interrupted. "We're talking about _Kaoru_ here, remember?"

Butch frowned, knowing fully well that Boomer had a point, but he didn't want to back down. Not now, not when he knew how crucial everything was. If he waited any longer—if he waited until Kaoru was over him—they wouldn't be the same. They could never _be_ the same.

"Butch?"

Butch let out a long sigh. "No."

"Uh…what?"

"Tell her to meet you at the arcade near the Pac-Man game," Butch repeated. "Like, right now."

"But—"

Immediately, Butch hung up, and it didn't take long for him to get ready and dash out of the house to head to the arcade.


	5. Confession

**Warning**

Chapter 5: _Confession_

When Kaoru got a text from Boomer to meet him at the arcade near the Pac-Man game and that it was "super urgent," she immediately got ready and dashed out of the house. A part of her got worried with anxiety that maybe something terrible had happened, so the adrenaline in her veins told her to keep running to be there for him when he needed her.

That was why when she ran up to the Pac-Man game, she didn't think twice about how Boomer had a hood over his head and his back to her.

"Hey, I got your message," Kaoru called out as she stood a meter away from Boomer, and she panted a few times to catch her breath. "Did something happen?"

Kaoru's heart dropped when he turned around because the person that she stood in front of wasn't Boomer. It was _Butch_.

"Hey," Butch greeted casually in a soft tone.

Kaoru's eyes were wide as she stared at him. Everything in her told her to run away, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Immediately, she tried her best to regain her composure by scowling. "Where's your brother?"

"He's…not here."

Kaoru narrowed her eyes, and as a moment of silence passed, she realized that Boomer had set her up. In that moment, she felt… _betrayed_. Why did he do this to her when she was so vulnerable?

"Uh, so…can we talk?" Butch asked.

Kaoru frowned. "Why?"

"Because…" Butch's voice trailed off before he frowned.

Kaoru stared at him, trying her best to not falter. She hoped that she looked like her normal, regular self in front of him because as every second passed, she felt her heart sink even more, and she did everything she could to suppress her heartache.

Butch sighed. "Can we just talk? Like, maybe some place private?"

"No," Kaoru replied, and she was thankful that her voice didn't crack.

Butch frowned. "We _need_ to talk."

"No, we don't," Kaoru retorted, narrowing her eyes, but immediately, she let out a small sigh. "I told you over the phone already—"

"And I don't care what you fucking said," Butch interrupted, almost growling. "This is something we need to talk about, whether you like it or not."

"No, we don't," Kaoru growled, and just as she turned around to walk away, she felt Butch grab her wrist. "What the hell?!"

Within seconds, Butch was already pulling her outside the arcade, despite her protests. It was only when they were outside the arcade that he finally turned to her, but still didn't let go of her wrist.

"We're talking," Butch stated calmly. "We _need_ to talk."

Kaoru tried to pull his grip off her wrist, but when he didn't budge, and when she saw those fierce, serious eyes of his, she sighed in defeat. "Fine. Let's…go to the same place as last time, then."

Butch gave her a quizzical look for a few seconds before a look of recognition popped up on his face. "Sounds good to me."

"Can you let go of me now?" Kaoru grumbled.

"If I do, you might run away," Butch retorted.

Kaoru clicked her tongue in response.

They spent the next fifteen minutes in silence as they walked toward the park, the very place where they had their last fight. Specifically, their fight took place where people could gaze out at the large lake. When they arrived there, in that very same place, it was just as secluded as last time.

Butch turned around and finally released his grip on her wrist. "Talk."

"Huh?" Kaoru replied in confusion.

" _Talk_."

"About what? _You're_ the one who fucking dragged me out here!"

Butch sighed in exasperation. "Is it true that you like me?"

Kaoru's eyes widened, and in that moment, she felt her heart ache. She hesitated to respond at first, but decided that delaying her answer would've only confirmed what he said, so she frowned. "Where the hell did you hear that from?"

"Brick. And…I had it confirmed with Boomer."

Kaoru resisted the urge to curse.

"Boomer _also_ told me that you apparently liked some guys in the past."

"Yeah, so?" Kaoru replied, allowing her bitter tone to seep through.

"Did they all like Gotokuji?"

Kaoru flinched, and at that point, she couldn't hide it anymore. She couldn't hide her heartache, nor could she hide the nonchalant mask she adorned. She felt the mask begin to crack as every second passed, and when she saw how Butch just kept _staring_ at her, his gaze just _stuck_ on her, she crossed her arms and looked away.

"They did, didn't they?" Butch muttered.

Kaoru didn't respond.

Butch sighed. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"

Kaoru shrugged, letting out a shaky sigh. "It…just never occurred to me."

"Normally, I would let that pass, but for fuck's sake, Matsubara, if you were _that_ hurt about all of them crushing on Gotokuji—"

"It wasn't just that!" Kaoru exclaimed angrily, finally snapping her head toward him, but when he didn't flinch, not even a muscle, she hesitated to continue.

"Then, _talk_. Explain to me."

"You…You wouldn't get it."

"Yeah, because you haven't _explained_ to me."

"For fuck's sake, I don't need to—"

"No, _explain!_ " Butch finally bellowed, narrowing his eyes. "You tell my _brother_ all this stuff behind my back, and you don't tell _me?_ I'm fine if you're not comfortable with telling me anything you're not ready for, Matsubara. I've _always_ been fine with that, but for Christ's sake, if you were _that_ badly hurt _through Gotokuji_ , you could've _at least_ told me _._ " He paused, scowling. "I thought we were friends."

Kaoru scoffed. "I couldn't tell you."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because…"

"Because?"

"Because…"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, just spit it out already!"

" _Fine!_ You want to know that badly? Then, _fine!_ I couldn't tell you because I was scared, okay?!"

Butch's eyes narrowed in confusion. "Why would you be—"

"I don't know _when_ I started liking you!"

Butch's eyes widened.

"I…I don't know when! It just _happened!_ And I was scared when I found out because I couldn't _tell_ you. If I told you, our friendship would've been _ruined._ I didn't want to ruin what we _had_. And…whenever I liked a guy, they always ended up liking Miyako Gotokuji." Kaoru panted, pausing as she felt her face become weary and tired, allowing her heartache to finally surface.

Butch stayed silent, his eyes still wide.

"They _always_ ended up liking her," Kaoru continued, her mouth quivering as she scrutinized her eyes. "And I don't _blame_ them. I mean, look at _me_." Kaoru gestured to her face, body, and clothes. "Compared to me, she…she was like…their type." She paused before muttering, "The ideal girl."

"She's not—"

"You fucking said it yourself!" Kaoru screeched, her voice finally cracking, and she tried everything she could to not _break down_ in front of him. "You _called_ her the perfect girl!"

Butch scowled, glancing away in shame.

"And I _know_ what type of girl you like, Butch," Kaoru added, her tone softening, almost broken. "You're just like Narushima and Urawa: your type is girls like _her._ "

At this, Butch's gaze snapped back to her. "Wait, what? You liked Urawa?"

"Yeah," Kaoru replied, sending him a confused gaze. "So?"

"But, he…" Butch's voice trailed off before he shifted his gaze again.

"He what?"

"He likes you."

It took a few seconds before Kaoru processed that in her head, and she let out a small sardonic laugh. "Good one."

"No, he likes you."

"Butch, stop. He never liked me."

"But—"

"He liked Miyako back when I liked him. Even now, he still does."

"What makes you say that?"

"I hung out with him on the day I caught you with _her_ ," Kaoru muttered. "He seemed kind of jealous that you got a date with _the_ Miyako Gotokuji, so…I'm pretty sure he still likes her, even if he tries to deny it and act like he's moved on from her already."

Butch stayed silent for a few seconds. "So…that's why you don't like her, then? Because you're jealous and insecure?"

Kaoru flinched. "No. Not just…that."

Butch stayed silent again.

Kaoru cleared her throat. "Narushima…was the first guy I ever liked, and I was friends with him, too. His type was cute, feminine girls, like Miyako, and I knew that. I was okay with that because even though I knew his type—even though I _liked_ him—I wouldn't let it get in the way of our friendship. But…one day, he managed to get the courage to talk to her—to befriend her.

"You see, Gotokuji's not down for dating someone who just immediately waltzes up to her and asks her out. I've seen her reject guys when they tried to do that. So, his idea was to befriend her and then ask her out. You know, get close with her. But, once he supposedly befriended her, it started becoming…a game."

Butch narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"

Kaoru hesitated.

"Matsubara…"

Kaoru sighed in defeat. "Gotokuji is naturally nice— _too_ nice, actually, and because of that, guys…get frustrated with her mind games. Like, if a guy is interested in her and befriends her, it starts becoming this mind game of whether she's interested in him or not. He starts thinking stuff like how she's totally into him or he's totally wooing her, but she's just _nice._ And it's that niceness of hers that makes her _manipulative_ because if she does like him, it starts to become even more of a game. Like, what's their status? They like each other, right? So, why not date? But, sometimes, she's not down for dating immediately. She's just not comfortable. And that's fine, but…that's where it gets complicated.

"Once this supposed game drags on, the guy gets frustrated and irritated because their status is just so _up in the air_ , you know what I mean? You can only be patient with someone who keeps dancing around the question for so long, and the situation gets worse if another guy enters the picture or something because she just attracts _that_ many guys to her.

"I've seen this happen to Narushima… He kept thinking that Gotokuji was totally into him, but that wasn't the case. I could tell. I even tried to talk to him about it, but he was in such denial that we ended up having a huge fight over it and broke off our friendship because he just didn't listen. A couple weeks later, he's all heartbroken and dejected, and I could tell that she finally broke the news to her that she was never interested in him to begin with. Urawa, on the other hand, was a different story…"

"What happened with him?" Butch asked softly.

Kaoru let out a long shaky sigh. "Unlike Narushima, Gotokuji _did_ like Urawa, or at least, she showed signs of interest in him, compared to her usual niceness. Urawa felt the same about her. They weren't really friends until Urawa finally tried hanging out with her more. But, that also ended up shitty for him because Urawa kept pressing Gotokuji about their status. He was pushing her to finally date him because they liked each other, so what was stopping them, right? After that, it started going downhill because the more he pushed her, the more she got turned off by it and eventually started losing interest in him.

"We actually broke off our friendship, too—or, well, he broke it off with me. He started ditching me and our hangouts in favor of Gotokuji, like if we planned to go see a movie a month beforehand and he bought the tickets, he'd convince me to let him use my ticket for his hangout with Gotokuji. I…couldn't really refuse at first because I liked him a lot—a lot more than Narushima, but I couldn't be selfish like that. Besides, he bought the tickets, not me, so I told him it was fine.

"One day, though, I got so fed up with him ditching me that I argued with him about it. I mean, I get that he likes her, but is it worth it to really prioritize her over his own friend? And then he got _pissed_ at me, saying how he couldn't afford to mess up his chances with Gotokuji. In the end, he broke off his friendship with me, and I was fine with that."

"Wait, so…when did you become friends with him again?" Butch asked, frowning. "You hung out with him, didn't you?"

"I never became friends with him again," Kaoru replied, narrowing her eyes. "I could never see him as a friend, not after what he pulled on me multiple times. I only hung out with him that day because he hit me up out of nowhere, and…I was trying to get over _you_ , so…I figured, why not go with him? But, I mean, that day ended shitty, too. It would've been better if I had just stayed at home…"

Butch stayed silent in response.

"So, there you have it," Kaoru said softly as she shrugged. "Now you know why I don't like her and why I warned you about her. Only people who get mixed up in her shit know about how she is."

"Does Boomer know?"

Kaoru scoffed. " _Both_ of your brothers know. Boomer's friends with her. He became friends with her _genuinely_ out of similar interests. He told me she has her reasons for being like that… Something about how it had to deal with her first boyfriend and how since then, she hasn't been the same with liking guys. I don't know the details, but whatever the case is, I don't like how she keeps leading everyone on and is manipulative about it. It's easy to blame the guy once he starts pressing her to date him, but at the same fucking time, with the way she approaches her friendships with guys, it's hard not to blame her, too."

Butch scowled, shifting his gaze away from her.

"That's why I told you not to be involved with her," Kaoru muttered. "I don't want you to end up like Narushima and Urawa."

"I'm _not_ going to end up like them—"

"You _will_ ," Kaoru interrupted, narrowing her eyes. "The only guy I've seen who isn't fed up with that shit and is patient as hell with her is Boomer. Boomer is the _only_ guy I've seen her treat differently, compared to other guys. Every other guy who I've seen approach her always ended up heartbroken and dejected—maybe even pissed."

"Then, why the hell doesn't he just make a move on her?" Butch muttered out loud.

"Because he feels like he doesn't deserve it," Kaoru replied.

Butch's eyes grew wide.

"He can't help but like her—hell, honestly, I think he _loves_ her, but hasn't realized it yet because of how selfless he becomes whenever she's in the picture," Kaoru muttered. "I don't know exactly why he feels like he doesn't deserve it, but I think it might have to do with that first boyfriend of hers."

There was a long moment of silence between the two, and it was only broken when they felt a slight breeze in the air.

"You happy now?" Kaoru asked.

Butch blinked. "What?"

"You got everything you wanted to know from me," Kaoru replied softly.

"Not everything."

Kaoru gave him a look of confusion.

"Why break off our friendship?" Butch asked, frowning.

Kaoru glanced away. "I…I can't be friends with you."

" _Why?_ "

"Because we get into fights—"

"It doesn't matter the amount of fights we've been in. What matters is the fact that you and I have had each other's backs through thick and thin and that we've been close like _this_." Butch held up his hand and crossed his index and middle finger for her to see. "It doesn't make sense to me for you to just break it off—"

"I can't be friends with someone that I like," Kaoru interrupted, her voice cracking, and in that moment, a tear finally shed down her face.

Butch's eyes grew wide, and he couldn't shut his mouth, no matter how hard he tried.

"I just _can't_ ," Kaoru said, the tears finally overflowing, and she stifled a sob. "I _like_ you, Butch. I like you as both a friend and someone so much more than that. But, I can't do it—I can't do _this_." Kaoru's lip quivered as she let out a shaky breath, doing her best to not break down in front of Butch, but just like that, her vision got blurrier as more tears fell from her face. "I can't bring myself to watch you fall in love with someone like _her_."

Butch stayed silent in response before he finally closed his mouth.

"But, I know how you feel about me," Kaoru replied softly, her voice cracking. "I know that you see me as a friend and nothing more than that. And I'm okay with that."

"Bullshit," Butch retorted, narrowing his eyes. "You wouldn't be… _crying_ , if you were."

Kaoru shook her head. "No, I'm okay with it…because I knew from the start that you never would've liked me the way I like you."

Butch didn't say anything in response. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her and wanted to say _something_ , but he didn't know _what_ to say.

"So, I can't be friends with you," Kaoru muttered before she let out a tired laugh. "I can't be friends with you when…when I'm hurting this much over you."

"Why can't we take a break?" Butch finally managed to say.

Kaoru shook her head.

"We can just take a break," Butch pressed. "I can wait until you're ready to be friends with me again—"

"No," Kaoru interrupted as she shook her head again. "We won't be the same. Now that you've seen me like this and know how much I like you—"

" _Kaoru_."

Kaoru's eyes widened, surprised that Butch called her by her first name.

"Kaoru, we can just take a break," Butch pressed softly.

Kaoru could've sworn that she saw the slightest bit of pain in Butch's eyes, but maybe she was just seeing things. Her vision kept getting blurry every now and then with the tears that just kept coming down her face.

"I'll wait," Butch muttered. "I'm willing to wait until you're okay with being friends with me again—"

"And I'm telling you that I _can't_ be friends with you!" Kaoru exclaimed before she sniffled. "We can't be the _same_. We can _never_ be the same—"

"Yes, we can—"

" _No_ , Butch," Kaoru said in a broken, tired tone before she felt another wave of tears come down her face. "No, we can't."

Butch stayed silent in response, not knowing what else to say as Kaoru let out a few more sobs.

When Kaoru managed to calm down, she sniffled again and muttered, "Can you do one last thing for me?"

Butch blinked in response, his eyes widening.

"Please?"

Butch hesitated, but nodded. "Yeah."

Kaoru looked at the ground and let out a shaky breath before she wiped her tears the best that she could. Finally, after a few seconds, she looked up at Butch and gave him the genuine, softest smile he had ever seen the entire time he had known her.

Butch couldn't help but feel his breathing hitch.

"I like you," Kaoru said confidently, her eyes almost glowing, despite her hidden heartbreak. "I like you a lot, Butch. I like you as both a friend and as someone more. Do you feel the same?"

Butch opened his mouth, almost struggling to do so, because he had never seen Kaoru like this before, but he still couldn't say anything.

"Do you?"

"I…" Butch hesitated to continue as he inaudibly gulped before he sighed. "I don't. I only like you as a friend, Kaoru. I'm…I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Kaoru muttered with a heartbroken smile. "I think now, I might be able to get closure about this." She gave a small weak laugh. "Well, thanks for everything. Really."

Butch stayed silent, his gaze elsewhere.

"Good-bye, Butch," Kaoru said, and without another word, she turned around to walk away. She didn't hear Butch calling out after her or even running after her, and she was thankful for that because honestly, once she knew she was a good distance away from him, she felt her tears fall again.

Maybe things would've been different if she had told him about Miyako before he began liking her. Hell, maybe things would've been different if she had told him about her feelings when she realized them. However, deep down, Kaoru knew that even if she did those things, the result would've been the same: she still would've ended up with a broken heart from yet another fallen friendship and unrequited love, and nothing would've changed that outcome.


	6. Reunion

**Warning**

Chapter 6: _Reunion_

After that day, things weren't the same. Kaoru never once spoke to Butch after that. Butch didn't want to push his luck with her. He kept thinking—kept hoping, actually—that deep down, she still wanted to be friends with him or at least be in his life. Maybe all she needed was just a break from their friendship until she could move on from him.

That, of course, was just wishful thinking on his end.

Kaoru began to ignore him in the school halls. He never once greeted her, and she occasionally sent him a death glare, even though he didn't know the hell why. Maybe that was her way of moving on from him.

Before he knew it, hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. They spent the rest of their high school days, never once making up, not even during graduation.

He didn't know what university Kaoru was going to. In fact, he nearly didn't go to the University of Tokyo because he didn't have any motivation. Brick, of course, made him apply, regardless of what had happened between him and Kaoru. Luckily, he, Brick, and Boomer all got in, and the first two years of university flew right before his eyes.

That day when Kaoru broke off the friendship haunted him, honestly. There were times when he woke up in the middle of the night, completely drenched in cold sweat because of Kaoru's hurt, crying face etched in his brain.

Butch knew that his brothers took notice of his change in behavior after the fiasco. He remembered how when he was still friends with Kaoru and they hung out at the mall, he'd occasionally flirt with one or two random girls, just to prove a point that he had the skills to make the ladies swoon. He never once remembered their names or faces. To Butch, all those girls he had hit on were just nobodies.

But after that whole fiasco, he realized that doing all that must've hurt Kaoru. Granted, he wasn't aware of her feelings, and maybe during those times, she still hadn't realized her feelings for him, but whenever he recalled her crying, sobbing face on the day of that fiasco, his shoulders would always slump with guilt.

In a way, Kaoru had taken over his brain during the remaining time of his high school days. It made him forget about Miyako, the girl he supposedly liked. Sure, she was pretty and was the dream girl he thought he hoped for, but after what had happened between him and Kaoru, Miyako's smile never lifted the aching pain in his chest and the queasy feeling in his gut.

By the time he realized that, it was already the summer of his sophomore year at the University of Tokyo. He immediately went to Boomer's room one evening and apologized for liking someone he had liked for so long—for being such a _dick_ back then.

To his surprise, Boomer said that he had already forgiven him back in high school, especially since he knew how much the fiasco affected both him and Kaoru. After a pause, Boomer then confessed that he had started dating Miyako, but he didn't want to tell Butch in case he still liked her.

In that moment, Butch didn't feel any stabbing pain he'd thought he'd get from hearing that Miyako, his supposed dream girl, was dating his brother. In fact, he felt nothing. Instead, he smiled at his brother and gave him his best regards. Hell, he even messed with Boomer's hair and congratulated him for finally getting the girl.

Now, here he was, a 21-year-old junior going to some stupid mixer on a Saturday evening. It was the break in between semesters, and he didn't know why, but a week ago, one of his male classmates invited him to a mixer after their final exams. At the time, Butch was with Boomer, and he was _about_ to reject until Boomer asked where the mixer was going to take place. Once his classmate replied that it was going to take place at some fancy restaurant, Boomer immediately said that Butch would go.

Butch glared at him, of course, and was going to reject, but Boomer just elbowed him and said that it'd be good for him to get out of the house more often. Butch couldn't deny that he had a point because ever since that whole fiasco with Kaoru back in his high school days, he had closed himself off to everyone else. When he thought about it, Kaoru was the only person he was close with, aside from his brothers, so he begrudgingly agreed to go.

The mixer was supposedly going to take place at some restaurant, and then afterward, everyone was going to go to karaoke. When he was in front of the restaurant, he let out a big sigh before he reluctantly went inside. It didn't take long for him to find them since his classmate frantically waved his hand at him.

Once Butch walked to the table, he nodded his head. "Hey."

"Hey, Butch!" his classmate greeted, scooching over, so Butch could take a seat.

Butch, of course, did, and when he glanced across the large table, he noticed how all the girls were looking at him, either from the corner of their eyes or just obviously doing so. Honestly, a part of him wasn't surprised. One of the reasons why he always rejected going to mixers was because he knew how much attention he tended to garner from girls, especially when they learned that he was single.

After that fiasco with Kaoru, he never found himself developing feelings for anyone or just thinking about anyone in that way at all.

Regardless, it didn't stop some of his male classmates asking him to come to mixers, and Butch knew that if he went, it meant that some of the "hotter" girls in their year would tag along. The entire thing just sounded like a mess, though, because Butch knew how possessive and nasty some girls could be, especially since he knew that at some point, people would start to pair up with each other, which was why he always rejected going.

"How have you been?" Butch's classmate asked, breaking his train of thought.

Butch laughed. "Tired as hell. Still recovering from that last exam, honestly."

"I know what you mean." His classmate gave a sheepish laugh. "I don't think I did so hot on that one."

Butch snorted, and he finally took notice that there were four guys, including him, but only three girls. "Are we missing someone?"

"She's coming soon," one of the girls across him replied, batting her eyelashes in a flirtatious manner. Her brown hair cascaded down in waves and curls, and the lip gloss on her lips gave off a nice sheen. "She's running a bit late, but she'll be here soon."

"Oh?" Butch replied.

"Yeah, but we can totally order without her," the girl next to the curly brown-haired girl responded, flipping her long dark brown hair as she smiled at Butch. "She said so herself!"

"I hope she comes soon," the dirty blonde-haired girl beside her said as she pouted. "The food's going to get cold by the time she gets here."

"It'll be fine," the curly brown-haired girl replied, still smiling before she frowned. "I just hope she doesn't _bail_ on us."

Butch raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"I heard that," a voice behind him snarled.

His eyes widened at that voice, and his breathing hitched. His entire body froze upon realizing whose voice that was—the same voice that haunted him in his dreams.

He felt goosebumps appearing on his skin as she walked past him and then slid into the booth on the other side, confirming who he thought it was.

Kaoru Matsubara looked…different. Her hair was no longer messy, but instead straightened into a short bob. She wore a long dark green cardigan, an off-the-shoulder crop top, skinny jeans, and white sneakers, which emphasized her dainty ankles, and had a shoulder bag slung over her shoulder.

He tried to bring himself to look at the table, but he couldn't bring his gaze away, no matter how hard he tried. His eyes were drawn to the jade necklace hanging around her neck, emphasizing the creamy skin on her collarbone. He could tell that she wasn't wearing makeup, unlike the other girls, who were dressed a lot more femininely than her by wearing a sundress or skirt, but that didn't stop his heart from skipping a beat.

"I said I was running late," Kaoru growled, narrowing her eyes.

The curly brown-haired girl scoffed and rolled her eyes, most likely because Kaoru had made her move over, so now, Kaoru was in front of Butch.

It wasn't until Kaoru finally turned her head and faced him that her eyes widened in recognition.

"Well, now that we're all here, let's introduce ourselves!" Butch's classmate exclaimed.

Butch introduced himself after his classmate and the other two guys did. He had expected Kaoru to glare at him, but instead, she just stared at him nonchalantly.

What did that mean? Did that mean she was over him? He could remember the times when she glared at him in the school hallways, but now, it was like she was no longer affected by him…

Now that he thought about it, it had been years since then, which _obviously_ should've meant she moved on from him by now. For all he knew, Kaoru might've even had a boyfriend—wait, no, if she was here at this mixer, that meant she was _single_.

Butch's eyes widened at this realization, completely tuning out the girls' introductions until Kaoru's came along.

Butch was thankful that his classmate and the other two guys took interest in the other girls. He knew that the curly brown-haired girl kept trying to talk to him, though, which gradually began to annoy him. He wanted to talk to Kaoru, not her. He wanted Kaoru to look his freaking way, but instead, Kaoru was just quiet the entire time until the group started to order food.

Butch didn't miss the flirtatious looks he kept receiving from the curly brown-haired girl either. The other girls, except Kaoru, kept throwing him occasional flirtatious looks as well, but they began to back off when they thought Butch was taking more of an interest in the curly brown-haired girl.

In truth, it was just Butch answering random questions she sent his way without totally offending her. The last thing he needed was a hissy fit from her, which might ruin this mixer and, more importantly, this one opportunity he somehow managed to land with Kaoru.

"So, what school do you guys go to?" the curly brown-haired girl asked.

"University of Tokyo," Butch replied.

She gasped. "Wow! Really? Matsubara here also goes to the University of Tokyo!"

Butch blinked in surprise. "What?"

"Yeah!" She turned her head to Kaoru. "Isn't that right?"

Kaoru grunted, but when the curly brown-haired girl elbowed her, she glared at her and sighed. "Yeah, I do."

The curly brown-haired girl turned her head back to Butch. "So, what about you, Jojo?"

Butch glanced at Kaoru. The way she leaned back against the booth and looked elsewhere expressed complete boredom, and Butch wondered if she even wanted to be here.

"Jojo?"

"Yeah?" he asked.

"What about you? What brought you here to this mixer? I find it surprising that someone like _you_ would be single."

"Yeah, well, I guess you could say that I never got interested in anybody," Butch replied, but he meant it to be directed at Kaoru.

Kaoru's eyes didn't even flicker his way.

"Oh?" the curly brown-haired girl said, raising an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

"Yeah," Butch replied, his gaze finally resting on the tabletop.

It wasn't long before their food arrived. Everyone kept chatting and making small talk, except for Kaoru, unless she was called upon by someone in the group to participate in the current conversation.

However, no matter what, Butch couldn't help but take notice that she barely looked in his direction the entire time, and even when she did, she looked nonchalant and unaffected as ever.

Finally, it was time for them to head to karaoke once they left the restaurant.

"All right!" the dirty blonde-haired girl yelled. "Time for karaoke!"

"Actually, I need to be heading home," Kaoru replied.

Butch's eyes widened as his heart dropped.

No. _No._ She couldn't leave just yet. After all these years—after all this _time_ —this was his _one_ chance of finally making things up with her. Maybe now, he can patch things up because she didn't seem affected anymore. Maybe now, he could ask her to become friends with him again.

Maybe now, she could give him a chance again—give _them_ a chance—or at the very least, forgive him for the damage he did to her heart—the damage he had caused to their _friendship_.

"Aw, come on, Matsubara," the curly brown-haired girl said. "Don't be such a spoilsport."

"I'm not being that," Kaoru deadpanned, rolling her eyes. "I have something to do early in the morning—"

"I'll walk you to the train station," Butch interrupted, and he ignored the surprised looks from the curly brown-haired girl and Kaoru.

The curly brown-haired girl began to look nervous and latched onto Butch's arm, which made him frown. "Um, wait, Jojo, why not go to karaoke with us? I'm sure one of the other guys could walk her there instead—"

"I can take care of myself," Kaoru interrupted, rolling her eyes. "You guys go have your fun."

"No," Butch said, stepping forward and shrugging off the curly brown-haired girl's grip. "I'll walk you there. It's late, and you shouldn't be alone—"

"I _said_ I can take care of myself," Kaoru interrupted, this time narrowing her eyes at Butch.

Butch inwardly sighed in relief because she _finally_ noticed and acknowledged him this evening. He couldn't let this chance slip now. "It's safer if someone at least accompanies you." He looked over at the other guys and nodded at them. "You guys don't mind if I walk Kaoru to the nearest train station, right?"

Kaoru's eyes widened, most likely because Butch had let Kaoru's first name slip through his mouth.

Butch saw the shocked looks from all the girls and the other guys, including his male classmate, and he remembered then that they didn't know about what happened between him and Kaoru and how close they were back then.

"Uh, I mean, I'm fine with it," his male classmate said after blinking in surprise, and he turned his head to the other two guys, who were his friends. "What about you guys?"

His friends both shrugged.

"I'm cool with it," one of them said.

The other nodded. "Yeah, that's fine with me, too."

The curly brown-haired girl snapped out of it. "W-Wait, maybe all of us can walk Matsubara there!"

Butch resisted the urge to frown. This girl was starting to really get on his nerves… He needed alone time with Kaoru, for God's sake. He then glanced at his male classmate and raised an eyebrow, signaling to him silently that he had chosen to pair up with Kaoru. Plus, he knew how much his male classmate kept eying the curly brown-haired girl the entire evening.

His male classmate's eyes widened before sending Butch a small smirk and then grinned at the curly brown-haired girl. "Well, you see, if we _all_ walk her there, we're going to miss out on some time for karaoke!"

The curly brown-haired girl frowned. "B-But—"

"Let's go!" he exclaimed before he grabbed the curly brown-haired girl's hand and walked away with her, despite her protests. "See you later, Jojo!"

The others only looked at each other in confusion before they followed afterward, leaving Butch and Kaoru behind standing outside the restaurant.

Kaoru sighed and began walking away in the other direction.

Butch frowned before he sped-walk to catch up with her. "Hey! Are you trying to ditch me?"

"No," Kaoru deadpanned, not even looking his way as she sped-walk to be ahead of him.

Butch, of course, only sped up his pace to catch up to her again. "What the hell, Kaoru?"

Kaoru whirled toward him and glared. " _Don't_ call me by that."

Butch frowned. "Why not?"

"Uh, news flash: we're not close anymore."

"What if I want us to?"

Kaoru's eyes widened.

Butch didn't care if there were bystanders looking their way because of what was going on. He didn't care about the fact that they were in a public place. All he cared about was being able to hang out with Kaoru again—being _together_ with her again—but at the very least, he wanted to say sorry to her for all the damage he must've caused to her heart before doing all that.

He didn't know what he looked like to Kaoru, but he knew how soft, almost pained his voice became when he approached her and whispered, just low enough for only them to hear, "I miss you."

He heard Kaoru's breathing hitch, but his heart dropped when he watched her take a step back and sigh.

She couldn't be rejecting him, could she? Was she already giving up on them before giving him a second chance?

"Look, Butch, this is too public," Kaoru said, her eyes glancing at the bystanders.

"I don't care," Butch retorted. "But for God's sake, if I told you I was sorry for what I did long ago—"

"You don't need to apologize," Kaoru interrupted.

Butch's eyes widened. "What?"

Kaoru sighed before she gestured for him to follow her.

Within seconds, they were walking side-by-side, still heading toward the direction of the train station.

Honestly, it took everything in Butch to not reach out to her hand and grab it. He didn't know why he felt that instinct to do so.

"What do you mean?" Butch asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat. Maybe that would make him resist the urge to hold her hand.

"When I look back on it, it was immature and stupid of me to be jealous like that," Kaoru replied, frowning. "I was insecure as hell." She paused. "Well, I mean, could you blame me? Every guy I liked wound up liking Miyako."

"You referred to Gotokuji by her first name," Butch muttered, trying to change the subject. He didn't want to be reminded of the past—hell, he didn't want to be reminded of his _stupid_ mistake. If he could go back in time, he would tell his younger self that Miyako wasn't the one, that she never was, that maybe his supposed dream girl was someone right beside him all along.

In that moment, he finally understood why he wanted to reach out and grab her hand, why he wanted to pull her in closer to him, why she looked so devastatingly breathtaking, and why her lips looked so tempting to him every time he saw them move.

"Yeah, well, she and I are surprisingly friends now," Kaoru said, breaking Butch's train of thought.

Butch's eyes widened. "What? How?"

Kaoru laughed. "Let's just say that because of me, I drove off all the guys who kept trying to come onto her."

Butch chuckled. "That's not surprising."

"Do you still like her?" Kaoru asked, raising an eyebrow.

Butch felt his heart drop because she dropped the bomb so quickly on him and because it seemed like she was indeed over him. Her tone held no hint of heartbreak whatsoever.

She really _did_ move on—from _him_.

"No, I don't," Butch replied, his lips pursing.

Kaoru sighed in relief. "Oh, thank God."

"Why?"

"Well, Boomer's dating Miyako—"

"I know."

"Oh."

"I've been knowing that since last year."

" _Oh._ Well, then… I guess Boomer forgot to mention that little fact to me." Kaoru frowned.

Truth be told, it bothered Butch to know that she was still close to Boomer. He knew that she could never gain feelings for his brother, especially since he was now dating Miyako, but that possibility wasn't completely out of the picture. After all, _he_ liked Miyako at the same time as Boomer…

Just knowing that possibility existed made Butch stop walking and glare at the sidewalk in envy.

"Butch?" Kaoru called, which made him realize that Kaoru had stopped walking as well.

"Have you moved on?" Butch asked bluntly before he shifted his gaze to her.

"From the incident?" Kaoru replied, raising an eyebrow. "I thought it was pretty obvious that I have—"

"No, I meant from _me_."

Kaoru's eyes widened before she frowned. "Oh… Well, yeah."

Butch's heart sunk, shattering into a million pieces.

Was this how she felt back then when he rejected her? When she broke off their friendship? Did this mean that she wasn't going to give him another chance? Did he really fuck things over already? But, the fact that she came to the mixer was like _fate_.

He couldn't let this slip through his fingers—not now, not yet. He couldn't lose hope. He _had_ a chance. _This_ was his second chance.

"Then, why didn't you text me?" Butch finally asked.

Kaoru blinked. "What?"

"When you broke off our friendship that day, you told me that you couldn't be friends while I liked Miyako." Butch paused as he frowned. "I don't like her anymore. You moved on, so…why didn't you ever call me, or even _text_ me, that we could give our friendship another shot?"

Kaoru frowned before she sighed and grabbed Butch's wrist.

Butch's eyes widened at the sudden gesture.

"Come on," Kaoru said, pulling him along. "Let's at least drop by my place near here to talk in private. I'm getting fucking _annoyed_ at all these people _staring_ at us."

Butch's eyes widened as they were walking briskly. "Wait, I thought we were going to the train station—"

"I lied," Kaoru interrupted. "I wanted to get away from that mixer as soon as possible, but hell, Momoko told me that the restaurant had good food, so I wanted to at least try to ditch after dinner."

"Wait, you're friends with Akatsutsumi, too?!"

"Oh, you didn't know? I currently live in an apartment with Momoko and Miyako."

Butch couldn't help but frown. Why was it that _no one_ told him that Kaoru was within his grasp all these years? Brick and Boomer should've told him _something_ , but now that he thought about it, they probably didn't want to tell him in case he did something impulsive like try to meet with Kaoru…

It wasn't long before they arrived in front of Kaoru's shared apartment room with Momoko and Miyako. Kaoru opened the door for them both, and they entered.

Butch took a glance around as he and Kaoru took off their shoes. "Cozy place."

"Yeah, we split the rent," Kaoru replied as she went to the kitchen and sat down at one of the chairs near the kitchen table. "Miyako and Momoko are out tonight, so we have the apartment to ourselves to talk until they get back or something."

"I see," Butch replied as he followed her. He didn't hesitate to even sit next to her. He expected her to flinch or even say something about moving to the other end, but she said nothing.

"Anyway, about the whole me-not-hitting-you-up thing…" Kaoru said, turning her body to face him, and she sighed. "I couldn't bring myself to do it."

Butch did the same to face her. "Why?"

Kaoru shrugged and leaned back against the chair. "Honestly? Looking back on it, I think I was scared."

"Of?"

"Liking you again."

Butch's breathing hitched, and he felt that small chance of hope flicker deep down in his chest. He did his best not to show it, though, but he couldn't bring himself to move his gaze away from her.

"You were the only guy I really strongly liked," Kaoru muttered as she frowned. "I got scared that if we became friends again, I'd start liking you again, and, well, I'd just end up hurting myself all over again because at the time, you liked Miyako. From the way you described her, it sounded like you weren't getting over her any time soon."

"I'm still surprised that you became friends with her," Butch said, wanting to change the subject because he didn't want to be reminded that he _hurt_ her and made her _cry_.

"Yeah, it's ironic, isn't it? The girl I disliked ended up becoming one of my closest friends." Kaoru laughed. "We became friends back in freshman year. I don't know why, but I think after she remembered me from high school and that I was friends with Boomer, she just started to tag along and bother me. It was ridiculous…but looking back on it, I'm glad she did."

"Why?"

Kaoru shrugged. "I pretty much intimidated everyone in my class after one of the guys asked me out on a dare by his buddies. Miyako was actually the one who told me about it."

"Oh, really now?"

"Yeah," Kaoru replied as she laughed. "See, if she hadn't told me, I would've just rejected him, but when she had told me, I was so pissed that I threatened to kick his ass. That asshole started laughing and didn't believe that a girl could kick his ass, so I immediately stomped on his foot, punched his gut, and threw him over my shoulder."

Butch whistled.

"Yup. And _everyone_ outside the lecture hall saw, so after that, my classmates became too intimidated to even try to talk to me. Once Miyako and I became friends, all the girls were no longer scared of me and started talking to me, but the guys were still pretty intimidated."

"Does Gotokuji know?"

"About what?"

"About how much you disliked her."

"Yeah. I was upfront with her about it because at the time, I still disliked her and wanted her to back off and get away from me. I even told her why, and surprisingly, she agreed."

"With?"

"Why I disliked her—because, you know, she kept leading on guys. She acknowledged that yeah, she was nice to them, but it wasn't her fault that to them, it gave them the cue to think that maybe they had a chance with her. If anything, she wanted to be friends, but they all approached her with the intention to be more than that." Kaoru paused and frowned. "And then, she told me why she turned out like that. It turns out that her first boyfriend—Takaaki was his name—was someone who was nice, but… _too_ nice."

"What do you mean?"

Kaoru sighed. "You know how I told you about how I couldn't blame Miyako for being nice to everyone? Because you know, she's naturally nice, so I know it's not her fault."

Butch nodded.

"Yeah, well, her ex was _worse_ than that. He was _nice_ to everyone, even when they were dating. He kept being so nice that it led to other girls still crushing on him, and at some point, it wound up to him getting tricked to go on a date or two with some girls unknowingly."

Butch frowned. "How does someone get _tricked_ to go on a date?"

Kaoru snorted. "Well, I got tricked into going to the mixer, _so_ …it's not completely farfetched."

"You were tricked?"

"Yeah, by both Momoko and Miyako," Kaoru deadpanned as she frowned. "I swear, they can be little she-devils sometimes."

Butch couldn't help but laugh.

"Anyway, that led to an eventual falling out for the two of them. Her ex just couldn't stop being nice, while Miyako couldn't stop being considerate… You get where I'm going here?"

Butch slowly nodded. "Gotokuji couldn't bring herself to tell him that it bothered her, huh?"

"Yup," Kaoru said, frowning. "That's why she became so hesitant with dating anyone after she broke up with him. Hell, he didn't even _stop_ her from breaking up with him." Kaoru sighed. "Miyako just got scared that someone would take advantage of her again after that, which I don't blame her for, especially with all the guys who kept approaching her throughout high school. She even told me how she got pressured into entering relationships with some of those guys as well, but luckily, she managed to break up with them somehow, one way or another."

"I see…"

"Yeah… It's why I'm glad that she's dating Boomer now. She's comfortable enough around Boomer to tell him anything. Hell, your brother can somehow sense when she's hiding something, too. You and I both know how good he is at that."

Butch grunted. He could recall how perceptive Boomer was back then, too, for calling him out on the possibility that he had feelings for Kaoru… If only Butch had acted on that back then.

"It took some convincing to get them to start dating." Kaoru rolled her eyes and groaned. "Your brother felt like he didn't deserve her because he felt he was 'selfish' for wanting more from her when he's so _selfless_ when it comes to her. Meanwhile, on the other side of the spectrum, Miyako was unknowingly in love with Boomer, which took me a while to make her realize, for the record. She was so scared that Boomer would _reject_ her, and she didn't want to ruin their friendship. It took some pushing from me and some planning from Momoko, but we managed to get them to start dating."

"That's good to hear, but what about you?" Butch asked.

"Huh?"

"Were there any guys you got interested in after me?"

Kaoru frowned. "Why would you—"

"Were there?" Butch pressed, planting his feet onto the floor. He had to brace himself for her answer. If she _did_ move on, that most likely meant that she might've seen someone else. Hell, maybe that was why she got tricked into going to the mixer in the first place.

Kaoru continued to frown before she rested her chin onto the palm of her right hand on the table. "I mean, not really."

Butch felt that hope flicker in his chest again.

"Honestly, I kind of started giving up."

"Why?"

Kaoru let out a long sigh. "Would you believe me if I told you that Miyako _still_ attracts guys, even when she's taken?"

Butch nodded.

"You know how whenever she gets into the picture, almost any guy I know likes her?"

Butch slowly nodded this time.

"Yeah, well, that kept happening again and again," Kaoru said, rolling her eyes. "So, I just gave up at that point. If a guy I know is going to get smitten by Miyako, then aside from me having one of the greatest friends in the world, she's also able to get rid of any prospective guys in the picture for me."

"What if you encountered someone who _wasn't_ attracted to Gotokuji?" Butch asked softly.

Kaoru shrugged. "Depends? I don't know. Most guys I know get scared after I threaten them, so if someone's able to put up with my threats, then I guess I could be friends with them."

Butch didn't know when, but during her spiel, he had stood up and was beside her, hovering right next to her. He placed his hand down onto the table, making her look at him, and he didn't realize their proximity until he realized how close his face was to hers.

His breathing hitched again as he felt his heart skip a beat. "What if he liked you?"

Kaoru blinked a few times and said softly, almost like a whisper, "As a friend?"

"No, more than that," Butch replied, his soft tone seeping through. He wondered for a second if he had sounded hopeful to her just now.

"I don't know," Kaoru replied, turning her head away.

Butch frowned. "What do you mean?"

Kaoru shrugged, still not facing him. "I don't know, man… I haven't really liked anyone seriously like that since our whole friendship fallout."

"What are we right now?"

"Uh, ex-friends, I guess?"

"Would an ex-friend want to kiss you?"

Kaoru's head whirled around, her eyes completely wide. If she was any closer, she would've accidentally had her lips against his, which made her immediately back her head away from his. "Wait, what—"

"Would an ex-friend want to hold you?" Butch interrupted, his eyes softening and his tone quietening. "Ask for forgiveness? Want you to take them back? Want you to give them a second chance?"

At that point, Butch was leaning in towards Kaoru, but Kaoru continued backing her head away until she nearly fell off the chair and yelped. Butch, of course, immediately caught her by the waist, and Kaoru unconsciously gripped onto his shirt.

He pulled her back, and he realized then how _right_ his arm felt around her waist. He wanted to bring her closer, but he knew he shouldn't push his luck, so he immediately released her, but he didn't want to back away. "My bad. I shouldn't have done that."

"Yeah, you shouldn't have," Kaoru grumbled as she released her grip.

"Can you blame me?" Butch replied, frowning. "I told you I miss you."

Kaoru sighed. "Are you sure that's just not your guilt talking?"

Butch's eyes widened. "What?"

"Butch, can you sit back down?"

"No."

Kaoru frowned. "Butch—"

"If I sit back down right now, I won't get another chance."

"At what?"

"At becoming more than friends with you," Butch whispered, knowing fully well how his eyes were in pain as he looked at her.

Kaoru's eyes widened. "What?"

"I miss the times when we just laughed and messed around. I miss your laugh, your smile, your presence—hell, I meant it when I said I _miss_ you." Butch paused before he took a long sigh. "I'm sorry I hurt you back then. I'm sorry for not realizing how much I _needed_ you back then—"

"Whoa, wait, Butch—"

"No, listen to me, Kaoru, _please_." Butch paused, feeling his heart wrenching in every single direction as he poured all this out on her. "I-I just— _fuck_ , I'm sorry for not realizing everything sooner."

"Butch—"

"Kaoru, _please,_ listen to me. Just…forgive me for the stupid teenager I was, who was fucking _stupid_ for thinking about someone who he _thought_ he wanted when the person he _needed_ was right beside him all along."

It was only then he noticed how stunned and wide-eyed Kaoru was and how her jaw had dropped.

"I meant it when I said I miss you," Butch repeated, his tone softening as he leaned his head in, and he was silently thankful that Kaoru was stunned enough to not back her head away. "I meant everything I said just now—even the part about wanting to kiss you."

Kaoru shut her eyes and let out a long exhale through her nostrils. "Butch, you can't just drop this on me after all this time."

"I know."

" _Especially_ after you knew how much I liked you back then."

"I know."

Kaoru opened her eyes and finally moved her head away from his, almost giving him a pained gaze. "So, don't you think you're being _cruel_ to me by telling me all this when I've already gotten over you?"

Butch felt his heart drop, and his gaze shifted elsewhere a few times before it finally rested on the floor. "I-I know, but—"

"But what? You think I'm going to just fall for you all over again by just telling me all this?" Kaoru whispered bitterly before she sighed and said louder, "I meant it when I said I was over you, Butch."

"I'll make you fall for me again."

"Butch—"

"I will," Butch confirmed, finally shifting his gaze to her. "I love you, Kaoru—"

"No, you _don't_ love me—"

"I _do_ ," Butch retorted, narrowing his eyes, hurt that she even accused him of that. "For fuck's sake, Kaoru, I do love you. I didn't realize it before because I was _stupid_ , but I do."

Kaoru let out a long sigh. "You need to leave."

Butch's eyes widened. "What?"

Kaoru sent him a harsh glare. " _Leave._ "

"Kaoru—"

Kaoru finally stood up from her chair and faced Butch. "Look, I think your guilt's gotten to you a bit _too_ much over the years if you've really convinced yourself that you love me."

"Kaoru—"

"If you really love me, then you would've left me alone because of how much heartache you've put me through," Kaoru retorted, almost seething. "You would've prioritized my happiness."

Butch frowned, not knowing how to respond.

"And if you do love me, then you would know that you're being selfish right now by doing all this, so get the hell up and _leave_."

"Why?" Butch managed to ask, but he could've sworn his voice croaked.

"Because you're overstaying your welcome," Kaoru hissed.

Butch continued to frown, not daring to move a muscle.

"Butch, I will _drag_ your sorry ass out this door—"

"Why did you invite me over?"

Kaoru's eyes widened, her jaw slightly open before she finally closed her mouth and let out a small sigh. "Because…I thought you would've moved on from this already. I mean, after all, I got the short end of the stick, so if anything, I should be the one still living in the past, not you."

Butch didn't know how to respond. He wanted to say something—something that would convince Kaoru that he did love her—but everything she had said struck him _hard_. It was a reminder yet again that he had _hurt_ her.

Kaoru sighed again. "Look, Butch, just leave, okay? I think it's the best for us both—"

"Did you want closure?" Butch interrupted, his voice falling flat.

Kaoru blinked in surprise before she nodded. "Yeah. I may have moved on from what happened between us, but…Miyako and Momoko both thought I should get some proper closure by talking it out with you."

"You didn't think anything else would happen between us?"

"Why would I? You made it clear years ago that you never saw me that way."

Butch resisted the urge to flinch, so he pursed his lips.

"I'm glad you at least gave me a proper rejection, though, so thanks for that, really."

Butch's eyes widened when he saw her give him a soft smile—a smile that was so unlike her, yet…it was enough to make his heart skip a beat.

Kaoru let out a soft sigh. "But, I can't return your feelings, so I hope you know that."

And just like that, his heart sank. He felt his own heart ache as every second passed, but that didn't stop him from blurting out, "You're beautiful."

Kaoru's eyes widened, her jaw completely dropped. "What?"

"You're a hell of a lot more beautiful than anyone else."

Kaoru still looked taken aback, but within seconds, her gaze shifted to the floor, and she let out a small scoff and looked at him. "You don't need to flatter me."

"No, it's the truth," Butch said, this time in a confident tone as he stepped closer to her. "You're beautiful. You've always been beautiful."

"Butch—"

"And you look fucking breathtaking right now, Kaoru," he interrupted, his breath hitching as his gaze stared at how her short bob complemented her creamy, beautiful skin, neck, and collarbone.

"Butch—"

"Can I kiss you?"

Kaoru's eyes widened before she glared at him. "What the hell makes you think I'd say yes?"

Butch's eyes were in pain, his voice straining as this continued.

How long was this going to go on? How long was she going to push him away? Was there really no hope? No chance? Nothing?

"Because I can't think about anyone else other than you," he finally muttered, his voice almost breaking. "And it fucking _hurts_ knowing that you don't like me anymore, Kaoru—that you've _moved_ on, while I'm still stuck here, stuck in the past, stuck _loving_ you." He paused, taking a moment to catch his breath. "So, _please,_ don't push me away."

"Butch…"

"I know I don't have the right to do any of this—that I'm doing a terrible fucking thing right now by even _asking_ you if I could kiss you because it might even come off as pressuring you, but fuck, Kaoru, I _know_ how stubborn you can be, so _please_ , just give me _something_ to help me get over you if you really don't have any feelings for me anymore. _Please._ "

Kaoru let out a long sigh. "Butch…you know you're going to regret this."

"Regret what?"

"Regret kissing me under this kind of circumstance," Kaoru muttered as she frowned. "It's just going to get you even more hung up on me—"

"The only thing I regret right now is not recognizing sooner how much I loved you back then," Butch interrupted. "I won't regret kissing you."

Kaoru looked hesitant, and Butch knew then that he was breaking through, even if it was just a little bit. Just that look on her face helped him gain hope again, until his heart dropped upon realizing one thing.

"Unless, you'd regret kissing me?" he muttered.

"Well, I've never had my first kiss with anyone, as embarrassing as that sounds, so possibly," Kaoru replied.

"I've never had my first kiss either." Butch paused. "But, you don't have to kiss me if you don't want to."

Kaoru looked hesitant again, and it was then that Butch's eyes widened in realization.

"Unless…you _do_ want to kiss me," Butch muttered.

"I don't," Kaoru retorted, almost a bit too quickly as she backed away.

"Then, why do you look so hesitant?" Butch asked, moving closer.

"Butch, stay the _fuck_ away—"

"You do, don't you? That's why you keep pushing me away—"

" _No_ ," Kaoru retorted, pressing her hands against Butch's chest when he finally got close enough to her.

At that point, Butch had already rested his hands against her waist, and he was tilting his head. "Really? Because it seems like it."

" _No_ , Butch. I'm just being considerate—"

"It's just one kiss, Kaoru," he muttered. "One kiss. You can think of it as a good-bye kiss, if you want."

Kaoru frowned. "Why a good-bye kiss?"

"For closure…on my end. You may have gotten yours by now, but…" Butch didn't want to finish that sentence because there was a part of him that knew that if he said it out loud, then his heart wouldn't be able to take it.

Kaoru let out a long sigh.

Butch felt her no longer giving pressure against his chest, and he knew then that he finally had her.

"Fine," Kaoru muttered. "Just one. Okay?"

Butch didn't even respond because within seconds, he had his lips against hers, his eyes completely shut as he relished this moment. Kaoru had yelped at first in surprise, but he didn't mind. All he cared about was memorizing her taste for as long as he could, but admittedly, he was scared—he didn't want to push her any further than he already had.

He had expected it to be a chaste kiss, something to last a few seconds, but when he felt her pull away and just _look_ at him, so innocently, so shyly, with a blush on her cheeks, he felt his selfishness take over and hoped that she wouldn't hate him for this.

He moved in again, making Kaoru yelp, this time hitting his chest, but he didn't care. He wanted to kiss her again—hell, he didn't want to _stop_. His lips moved against hers, slowly, painfully, and he did everything he could to somehow show her through the way he kissed her, the way his arms wrapped her waist now as he tried to pull her closer to him, that he missed her, that he _loved_ her, that he _wanted_ her.

Kaoru pulled away only slightly, glaring at him as she panted. "I said _one_."

"I'm sorry," Butch whispered. "I know I'm a selfish bastard—"

"Good to know you're aware of that," Kaoru deadpanned, but hell, despite her tone, she still looked so fucking breathtaking and even a hell of a lot more desirable because there was still a tint of pink on her cheeks.

But, Butch knew this had to end. He couldn't push her anymore. He was selfish enough to kiss her twice already. He couldn't ask for more, no matter how much he wanted to.

He slowly released her waist, but he didn't dare take a step back. His gaze—he didn't know how he looked like to her, but he hoped that she could see the pain, the love, the longing he had for her in his eyes, and when he saw her look at him, almost in pain, he wondered if maybe the kisses had changed her mind, or maybe if she thought that he was now regretting their kisses.

"I love you," he finally said.

"I know," she whispered.

"Do you feel the same?"

Kaoru's eyes widened.

He wondered if she recognized those same words that she had asked him all those years ago, or if she was just looking at him in bewilderment because she had already told him multiple times that she had moved on, so his eyes softened. "Do you?"

Kaoru's jaw dropped ever so slightly before she glanced away. Within seconds, she had wrapped her arms around herself, looking so _vulnerable_ that he had to resist the urge to embrace her.

"Kaoru?" he asked softly.

"No," she whispered. "I don't. I'm sorry."

Butch's heart sank another time, and he realized then that he missed his chance, that he couldn't do anything any longer to convince her, that he just _couldn't have her_. Finally, he let out a long sigh. "Right. Yeah, of course you don't. You said it yourself multiple times already."

Kaoru nodded slowly, shifting her gaze away from Butch.

"I guess I'll be heading out now?"

Kaoru nodded again in silence.

Butch headed to the doorway with Kaoru following behind him. When he had finally put on his shoes, he turned around to face her, knowing fully well that his gaze was both of longing and pain. "I'll see you around on campus, then?"

Kaoru still looked vulnerable to him—hell, he wanted to just sweep her up, hug her, and tell her everything will be okay—as she let out a sigh. "I'd rather we not see each other again until you've moved on."

"I won't."

Kaoru scoffed and then smiled in amusement. "You say that now, but you'll find someone else. You didn't have a problem attracting girls back then, and judging the looks of those girls at that mixer, you still got it going for you."

Butch couldn't help but frown. "But I don't care about those girls. I only want _you_."

Kaoru's smile fell before she shifted her gaze.

Butch continued to stare at her, hoping that she would look at him, but when she didn't, he finally sighed in defeat. "My phone number's still the same, you know. Same with my e-mail address. You can always hit me up any time you want."

"Butch—"

"And I'm always in that big cafeteria for lunch. I usually sit by myself, but hey, you can always drop by."

Kaoru sighed before she whispered, "I'll…think about it."

Butch gave her a sad smile because a part of him knew that he should just give up hope by now—because judging by Kaoru's answer, he knew she wouldn't give him the time of day now. Yet, he still managed to somehow say to her, "All right. Good night."

Kaoru nodded. "Good night."

When Butch finally left the apartment and he heard the door close behind him, it took everything in him to not let the weight of his heart affect him as he began his trek home.


	7. Consequence

**Warning**

Chapter 7: _Consequence_

Two weeks had passed since then. Kaoru had never sent him anything or called him. Hell, she never even passed by the cafeteria even once.

If anything, it made Butch miss her even more than ever, especially when he kept recalling how _right_ she felt in his arms as he kissed her. He wanted to hold her close like he did then.

He knew how stubborn Kaoru was, but he didn't want to push it—especially since she did receive the short end of it all. Honestly, it took everything in him to not want to start looking for her on campus and confront her. Normally, he would, but he didn't have the right to do that—not anymore.

The last lecture of the day had whizzed right by without Butch even noticing. He felt like a robot, just taking notes on what the professor said as he processed everything. By the time class ended, he could hear his classmates already getting ready to pack up and leave because it was Friday, and that meant everyone could finally relax and kick back for the weekend.

He began doing the same when suddenly, he was approached by one of his male classmates.

"Hey, Jojo!" his male classmate said, grinning. "You got a minute to spare?"

"Sure," Butch replied, glancing at his classmate as he paused with packing up his belongings. "What do you need?"

"Well, I heard you went to a mixer a while back. Did you get lucky with anyone there?"

Butch glanced away, remembering how he had kissed Kaoru that evening and still craved her as every day passed, before he sighed. "If you mean getting a girlfriend, then no."

His classmate grinned. "Well, in _that_ case, how about coming to this mixer I'm going to this evening? One of my buddies cancelled, and we need someone to take his place."

Butch resisted the urge to groan as he grimaced. He did _not_ want to go to another mixer. "No."

"What?! Why?! The girls are majorly hot and cute—"

" _No_ ," Butch interrupted, glaring at his classmate.

Just then, one of Butch's female classmates walked up to the two. "Um, Jojo?"

"Yeah?" Butch asked, thankful that someone came by. Maybe he could use this as an excuse to leave the conversation.

"Someone's looking for you," she said before gesturing to the doorway.

Butch's gaze went to the door, and his eyes widened.

Standing there was none other than Kaoru, who was adorning her typical knee-length shorts, sneakers, t-shirt, and trademark cap. Her backpack was slung over her shoulder, and she gave a sheepish grin and small wave when she finally made eye contact with him.

Butch couldn't help but stop staring at her. How did she manage to find his classroom? Why was she _here?_ Finally, he snapped out of his stupor, packed up the rest of his belongings, and ran to the door, ignoring the sounds of protest he heard from his male classmate.

"Uh, hey," Kaoru greeted.

Instead of greeting her back, Butch grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the room.

" _Hey!_ What the hell?!"

It wasn't until Butch was at least halfway down the empty hallway that he finally faced Kaoru and smiled.

"What?" Kaoru said, frowning.

"You know, you saved me back there," he replied.

"From?"

"Getting forced to go to another mixer." Butch was going to add more, but he noticed then that Kaoru had flinched, so he frowned. "Kaoru?"

"What? I think it would've been good of you to go to that mixer—"

"I don't like going to mixers. The only mixer I've ever went to was the one where I got to meet you again." Butch paused before he said softly, "I'm glad I did."

Kaoru cleared her throat. "Um, yeah…"

"So, what brings you here?" Butch asked. "Actually, you want to get some food? I know a good restaurant in the area. We can talk on our way there."

"Uh, well…"

Butch's heart began to sink, wondering if he was placing too much hope already on her reappearing in his life again. "Yeah?"

"I…I thought a lot about what happened these past two weeks, Butch," Kaoru said softly. "I thought a lot about what you said, how you probably felt these past few years, and…the kiss."

Butch felt his heartache resurface, and his lips pursed. "And?"

"Well, first off, it was wrong of me to have said yes to kissing you—"

"I _wanted_ to kiss you," Butch interrupted, glaring at her. "Because I love you—"

"You _can't_ love me, Butch," Kaoru retorted, frowning. "We were never in a relationship, so how can you tell me that you love me?"

"Because I did always love you," Butch said softly. "I always cared about you as a friend back then, you know."

Kaoru sighed.

"Kaoru—"

"No, listen to me. I shouldn't have agreed to kissing you, period. Doing that was a shitty move on my end because I got your hopes up."

Butch wanted to say _something_ , but nothing could come out of his mouth. He didn't know what to say to her, but as every second passed, he could hear his heart pounding louder and louder as he braced himself for her next words.

Finally, Kaoru exhaled loudly before sending him a solemn gaze. " _Look_ , Butch, I…I really don't feel the same way anymore."

Just like that, Butch felt his heart sink, and it took everything in him to try to brush off the heavy, sinking, _heart wrenching_ feeling in his chest as he pursed his lips. "Yeah, I know."

Kaoru let out a long sigh. "Butch, this isn't really easy for me to say, but…I'd appreciate it if we just…don't see each other."

Butch's eyes widened. "What?"

"You're not over the incident," Kaoru replied immediately. "You're not over what happened, and after everything that happened two weeks ago, I just…think this is for the best."

"Don't give me that bullshit," Butch retorted, scowling.

"'Bullshit?'" Kaoru exclaimed, narrowing her eyes. "I'm trying to be _considerate_ here—"

"And it's that consideration of yours that's complete bullshit! I see you, the girl I love, almost _four years_ since the incident, thinking that oh, _you probably went to go study elsewhere_ , but this entire fucking time, _you've been right here_ at the University of Tokyo, and suddenly, you think that I'm okay with not seeing you again?"

"Butch—"

"Let me finish," Butch interrupted, still scowling. "Look, I wasn't expecting you to try to see me again, okay? And here you are, right in front of me, so can you _blame_ me for wanting to still see you? _Especially_ since you're the type to just cut things off."

" _Butch_ , I have my reasons for doing that," Kaoru retorted.

"Yeah, I know, and I know that you felt like cutting me off was the best option for you, but for _fuck's sake_ , Kaoru, I just—I just want to be around you again." Butch paused, feeling his heart _wrench_ in so many different directions as he forced himself to say, "Even if you don't feel the same way back, I still want to be around you."

Kaoru pursed her lips before frowning and shaking her head. "No. That'd be too cruel to you."

"What?"

"Say we do become friends again. What do you think will happen once I start liking someone, or worse, date them?"

Butch felt his heart sink, and he couldn't help but take a sharp intake of breath.

"Yeah, see? You can't handle it, which means you're not over the incident. So, until you've moved on from what happened between us _and_ your feelings for me, it's best that we don't see each other." Kaoru paused. "I don't want to hurt you any further, and I don't want to lead you on. Do you get it now?"

Butch forced himself to nod, even if he disagreed, but he couldn't bring himself to talk because of that stupid heavy feeling in his chest.

"Good," Kaoru muttered. "Well, I have to get going now, so…later, I guess."

"Yeah," Butch replied. "See you later."

Kaoru nodded before she walked past him without a word.

Honestly, it took everything in Butch to resist grabbing her arm and convincing her that he did love her and wanted to be with her, but hell, he knew she wouldn't be able to understand. Besides, even if she did, she'd be too stubborn to accept it.

* * *

Later that evening, Butch was at his apartment, and his heart was in complete shambles. He tried to distract himself, but it wasn't enough to ignore his heavy heart, even as he lied down on his bed, trying to force himself to go to bed early to ignore the overwhelming thoughts he had regarding Kaoru.

Just then, he heard his phone ring, and normally, he would've ignored it, but he knew from that ringtone that it was Boomer calling him, so he forced himself to reach for his phone and answer.

"Hello?" Butch asked in a gruff tone.

"Hey, Butch!" Boomer called. "How was the mixer?"

Butch let out an annoyed sigh before he forced himself to sit up on his bead. "Don't you think it's a little late for you to ask about that now? Like, I don't know, _two weeks_ late?"

"I was busy!"

"Uh-huh, right." Butch rolled his eyes. "What's your real reason for calling?"

"What, I can't know how my dear brother is doing?"

"If you don't tell me why you called me in three seconds, I'm hanging up on you," Butch deadpanned.

"Okay, okay! Jeez… I was trying to lighten the atmosphere."

"What for?"

"Well, Kaoru told me how the mixer went on her end… Kind of."

Butch immediately stiffened, and he resisted the urge to clear his throat. "And?"

"She mostly relayed it to Miyako and Momoko, so Miyako was the one who told me about it… Kaoru told me part of it." Boomer paused. "I didn't think it'd turn out that bad between you two. Honest."

Butch blinked a few times. "Wait, you _planned_ it?"

"Not entirely. I knew Kaoru was going to a mixer and that everyone was going to meet at that restaurant, so when that guy asked you, I figured…it was the best for you to go."

Butch let out a long sigh.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No," Butch muttered. "If anything, I'm thankful for your meddling ass."

Boomer laughed before his laughter slowly died down. "Look, the thing is, Miyako told me about what happened right after the mixer between you and Kaoru and what's been going on with Kaoru during these past two weeks…"

"And _why_ are you telling me this?" Butch asked, getting the urge to lie back down in his bed and _forget_ because nothing was going to change the fact that Kaoru didn't want to be near him.

"Because I know how much losing her affected you."

Butch flinched.

"And, the thing is, you're…not the only one affected."

Butch blinked a few times, narrowing his eyes in skepticism. "What?"

"You know how Kaoru has that tendency to act like she's all right when she's not?"

"You mean angry and indifferent."

"Yeah, that."

Butch felt his heart begin to pound louder because _dear God_ , was Boomer telling him what he was thinking?

"Kaoru…" Boomer's voice trailed off before he sighed. "She's not okay. Miyako told me earlier that Kaoru was crying."

Butch felt his heart drop and his face blanch. She was crying? Over _him?_ _Again?_ A part of him couldn't believe it because she was the one who insisted that she had moved on and that she couldn't be friends with him—so why the hell was she _crying?_

"Butch?"

Butch let out a long exhale through his nostrils. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because she's crying over _you._ "

"And?" Butch snapped. "I can't fucking _do_ anything about it! _She_ was the one who told me that we couldn't be friends again! _She_ was the one who fucking told me that I couldn't be in love with her! She _denied_ my fucking feelings, Boomer! So, tell me, why would she be crying over _me_ when _I_ came to _her_ , asking for a second chance, huh?"

There was a long pause of silence as Butch tried to catch his breath from ranting. Thoughts were running through Butch's head, and he tried _everything_ he could to block out the guilt he knew was steadily rising—the same guilt that he remembered feeling from making Kaoru— _the_ Kaoru Matsubara— _cry_ over _him._

Finally, Boomer let out a long sigh. "Open your apartment door."

Butch furrowed his brow in confusion. "What?"

"Just open your door."

Within seconds, Boomer hung up.

Butch was _baffled_ , to say the least. He stared at his phone in disbelief until he heard his doorbell ring throughout his apartment. Frowning, he left his bedroom, headed to the door, and looked through the peephole. Within seconds, he opened the door and scowled.

"Took you long enough," Boomer said, grinning before slipping past Butch and entering the apartment.

Butch closed and locked the door behind him and continued to scowl. "Why are you here?"

"To convince you to go over to the girls' apartment."

Butch's eyes widened. "What?! Are you crazy?!"

"Nope. This was something Brick, Momoko, Miyako, and I all agreed that it's what's best for you and Kaoru."

Butch's jaw dropped. " _What?_ "

Boomer scratched the back of his head. "Look, Miyako and Momoko told me and Brick about what's been happening with Kaoru lately since you two met up again, and it's…it's been pretty hard on her. They both tried to convince her to get closure from you, but judging by how you met with her twice already and she ended up an emotional mess…" Boomer let out a small sigh. "My guess is, she didn't get full closure from you at all."

"Because she was dishonest," Butch mumbled in disbelief.

"Yup."

Butch pursed his lips and glanced away, not sure how to take in all this information. "So?"

Boomer raised an eyebrow.

Butch shrugged. "What do you want me to do about it? I told you I can't do anything about it unless she's honest with me. Hell, I've been honest with how I felt, but she kept pushing me away—"

"Yeah, because she keeps thinking that's for the best, but she's just hurting herself in the process. She needs _closure_ , Butch, and I mean full-on closure. She's healed enough to move on from the incident, but…I think she still hasn't gotten over _you._ "

Butch pursed his lips again.

"So, I came over to ask you on behalf of Momoko and Miyako to go over to their apartment, talk to her, and _make_ her be honest with you. Miyako's staying over at my place tonight, and Brick told me that he'll be taking Momoko out for dinner, but she might end up staying at his place for the night, too."

Butch narrowed his eyes and scoffed. "She's not going to open the door for me."

Boomer hummed. "I doubt it."

Butch raised an eyebrow.

"Miyako told me that she and Momoko managed to convince Kaoru to try to get full closure with you, but knowing her, Kaoru might never do it until she feels ready. I honestly think that the sooner you do it, the better because she's emotionally vulnerable right now, which means she'll open up to you a lot more easily."

Butch narrowed his eyes at Boomer.

"What?"

"You're fucking scary sometimes, you know that? Especially with that perception of yours."

Boomer laughed. "Brick's worse, though."

Butch snorted, but he knew Boomer was right. Finally, after a few seconds of contemplating, he sighed. "Fine. I'll go to their apartment. Can you text me the address?"

Boomer grinned. "Sure."

"If she doesn't let me in, you owe me."

Boomer scoffed. "I doubt it."

Despite Boomer's total confidence that wouldn't happen, there was a small part in Butch that felt like most likely, Kaoru would slam the door in his face, and honestly, knowing that only made Butch slowly lose hope as every second passed.


	8. Sincerity

**Warning**

Chapter 8: _Sincerity_

Butch was now in front of the girls' apartment, and a part of him felt nervous. He _knew_ that with the way Kaoru was right now, she wouldn't dare to expose her emotional side to him, but…damn it, he may as well try.

Butch took a deep breath to compose himself before ringing the doorbell. He waited a few seconds, hoping Kaoru would open the door. However, those seconds soon turned into a few _minutes_ , and a part of him now wondered if she was even home, so he rang the doorbell again.

As every second passed, he felt his nervousness grow. Would Kaoru hate him for showing up at a time like this? Well, granted, she didn't exactly say she'd ever _hate_ him, and judging by their history, she couldn't _ever_ hate him, right?

Butch pursed his lips as that thought crossed his mind because really, she _could_ hate him, and she had every right to, but there was that small sliver of hope popping up in his chest again that _maybe_ , just maybe, things might turn out well now because now, he was confronting _her_ —whether she liked it or not.

Finally, the door opened, and Butch's breathing hitched.

There, standing in the doorway, was Kaoru, dressed in her shorts—and _not_ her regular gym shorts, but _short_ shorts meant for sleepwear—and a large t-shirt. Her disheveled hairstyle gave away that she must've been lying in bed, but her puffy eyes gave away that she had indeed been crying, even if it did look like she tried to wash up beforehand and appear okay to him.

It honestly took everything in Butch to resist the urge to hug her, so he inaudibly gulped and tried to compose himself as best as he could. "Hey."

"Hey," Kaoru said softly before pausing. "Why are you here?"

"I wanted to talk with you."

Kaoru furrowed her brow at him. "Why?"

"About…stuff."

Kaoru gave him a skeptical look. "You came over at 8:30 P.M. just to _talk_ to me? Can't this be done on Monday when we have school?"

"No," Butch replied immediately in a firm tone. "Look, we need to talk. Can you at least let me in?"

Kaoru frowned, contemplating for a few seconds, before she sighed. "Come in."

Within seconds, he entered her apartment. He heard Kaoru close and lock the door behind him as he took off his shoes at the doorway.

"Want some water?" Kaoru asked, heading to the kitchen.

"No, I'm fine," Butch replied, following her.

"Okay, well, I'm going to get some for myself since I'm feeling thirsty."

Butch pursed his lips in response, and he wondered how badly she had cried before he came if she felt thirsty.

Within seconds, there was a long pause of silence as Kaoru got herself a cup of water and drank from it while Butch stood at the kitchen doorway. Butch didn't know what to make of it. A part of him wanted to say something, but he didn't know where to _start_.

"You don't have to stand there, you know," Kaoru said, breaking the silence as she put her cup down onto the kitchen counter.

Butch blinked. "What?"

"I said you don't have to stand there," Kaoru replied before opening a cabinet and clicking her tongue.

Butch found himself unconsciously walking closer to her and then peering into the cabinet once he stood next to her. "What are you looking for?"

Kaoru flinched, and after noticing their proximity, she grabbed her cup and began to walk past him—until Butch stepped in her way, blocking her path. She slowly looked up at him. "What are you doing?"

"I asked what you were looking for."

"Cereal, but it looks like we're out."

"You're hungry?"

"Not really. I just wanted something to snack on."

Butch raised an eyebrow. "You sure? I can order takeout."

Kaoru sent him a deadpanned look in response.

Butch put his arms in defense, but once he saw that Kaoru tried to walk past him _again_ , he then side-stepped to block her.

Kaoru sent him a glare.

Unfazed, Butch sighed. "I told you we needed to talk."

"About?"

"Us."

Kaoru pursed her lips in response.

There was a tense silence that ensued, and Butch watched how Kaoru stared at him back, waiting for him to make a move until she finally averted her gaze. He even noticed how she tightened her grip on her cup and then drank from it—almost downing it, in fact—until she set it back down on the counter.

"Can you move, so I can put this back in the fridge now?" Kaoru asked.

Butch noticed then that the cup was empty, and he stepped to the side to allow her to pass. Once she had put her cup back in the fridge, he grabbed her arm and gave her a grave look.

Kaoru sighed. "Butch, can you just give it a rest? I told you. I don't want—"

"You cried, didn't you?"

That sentence was enough to shut up Kaoru: her eyes widened, her jaw dropped, and her entire body stiffened.

Butch took that chance to step closer, slowly releasing her arm before he brought his hands to both sides of her face. He slowly lifted her head and frowned before he whispered, "Your eyes are puffy. Did you wash your face properly?"

Butch expected her to try to slap his hands away, but instead, she averted her gaze and put her hands on top of his. It was enough to make Butch's heart skip a beat.

"Yeah," Kaoru finally mumbled.

Butch felt his heart beat louder now in his ears, trying to suppress any ounce of hope he had, so it wouldn't come bursting out of his chest and make him do anything that would make her push him away. "Are you going to tell me what you cried over?"

Kaoru looked at him again before frowning. "Why should I? It's none of your business."

"I care about you, so it _is_ my business."

Kaoru stared at him—long and hard—until she let out a sigh. "I don't want to."

"Why?"

"I just don't, okay?"

"Was it over me?"

Kaoru flinched and averted her gaze again. "No."

"You're lying."

"I am not."

"Kaoru, I can tell when you're lying."

Immediately, Kaoru slapped his hands away and glared at him. "I am _not_ lying!"

"Then, what _did_ you cry over?"

"I don't want to talk about it!"

Butch frowned. "Okay, then let's talk about us."

Kaoru's jaw dropped in disbelief. "You can't just suddenly come over here and then expect me to agree to do that!"

"Well, I _did_ because I think we need to talk."

"And what makes you think—"

"Boomer told me you cried over me."

Kaoru's jaw dropped again, this time her eyes slowly showing her shame. "You…You knew? Then…why the hell did you ask?"

"Because I wanted to know whether you were comfortable enough to tell me." Butch paused, frowning. "But, I guess you're not that comfortable around me anymore like back then, huh?"

Kaoru averted her gaze, biting her lip.

Butch sighed and stepped closer. "Can you at least be honest with me about something?" Butch hesitated to continue, but _damn it_ , he had to get it out of the way _now_. "Did you really move on from me? Or was that a lie?"

"I don't know," she whispered.

His heart began to flicker with hope, his breath hitching as his eyes widened. "What?"

"I said I don't know," she whispered as she shut her eyes, her voice _breaking_ as she hung her head. "Fuck, this is what I was afraid of…"

"Kaoru—"

"I shouldn't have let you kiss me," Kaoru interrupted, this time her voice coming out as a choked sob. "For fuck's sake, I was doing _just fine_ before you came along back in my life again—"

" _Kaoru_ —"

" _Why_ did you have to show up to that mixer, huh?!" Kaoru screeched, finally bringing her head up to face him. Her tears were already shedding down her face, and when she tried to talk, it just came out as a sob.

Butch immediately embraced her, resting his head against the top of hers. He ignored how much Kaoru kept pounding his chest, how much she was yelling at him to just _let her go_ , how much she was yelling at him that she hated him for what he was doing to her—for what he made her _become_ , but all those actions only made him pull her closer to him.

It was only after she had finally calmed down from both her yelling and her sobbing that she stopped resisting.

"I'm sorry," Butch whispered. "For everything."

"You should be, you fucker," Kaoru said as she sniffled.

Butch chuckled as he leaned away and looked at her face. He rested his hand against her cheek, staring at her for a few seconds, before he kissed her forehead.

"Butch, stop," Kaoru grumbled as she backed her head away. "Don't do that."

"Why?"

"We're not together, so you shouldn't do stuff like that."

"I want to."

"You shouldn't."

"But I _want_ to. I want to make up for all the lost time. So…will you give me a second chance?"

Kaoru glanced away.

"I'll do it right this time," Butch whispered, his voice coming out in a pleading tone. "I'll make you happy, make you laugh—I'll do everything I can to make you the happiest fucking woman in the world to the point where you'll fall for me again and again."

Kaoru glanced back, pouting a bit. "I…I don't know. This is all too fast right now."

"Then, we can take it slow," Butch whispered, his arms pulling her in closer. "We can go at your pace. I'll be patient."

Kaoru snorted. "You? _Patient?_ "

"If it means I can be with the girl I love, then I'll be as patient as I can." Butch paused. "Just don't make me wait forever for the fucking bathroom or something, for fuck's sake."

Kaoru finally let out a laugh.

"No, seriously, you know how long Brick's hair is by now? He fucking takes forever when he showers now, and it annoys the hell out of me and Boomer. That fucker's too lazy to go get it cut, so maybe you can convince Akatsutsumi to tell him to get it cut."

"Okay, okay," Kaoru said, still laughing.

"So…are we a couple now?" Butch asked softly, tilting his head, before he smirked. "Or are we on some trial period?"

"I just want to take it slowly," Kaoru replied softly.

"So, trial period?"

"I guess so, yeah."

Butch frowned at first, but then smirked.

"What's with the smirk?"

"Nothing. It just means I have to make you fall for me all over again, so we'll be an _actual_ couple."

Kaoru rolled her eyes as she smiled.

"Can I kiss you?" Butch asked, a smile growing on his face.

Kaoru gave him a shy smile in response, and it was all he needed from her to know that yes, it was okay for him to kiss her again.

He was thankful that this wasn't a dream, that this was _real_ , and that he was finally with the girl he loved, so he was going to do everything he could to convince her that this relationship was worth it, despite the heartache they both went through.

* * *

Three months had passed since then, and they did everything they could to spend every moment together. It wasn't long before they went back to their usual routine of just hanging out and doing the things they had done years ago, except this time, he sneaked in a few kisses here and there. He always laughed every time her face turned beet red before she yelled at him for doing that in public, which he did just now while they were on a date at the amusement park.

" _Butch!_ " Kaoru yelled, glaring at him.

"Yeah, babe?"

Kaoru's cheeks turned redder at what he called her before she glared at him. "I should _kill_ you."

Butch hummed. "You mean fuck?"

Kaoru's eyes widened, her face turning redder than before, even though there weren't any bystanders nearby. " _Butch!_ "

Butch laughed.

Kaoru groaned. " _Why_ is my boyfriend such a perverted asshole?"

"And _why_ is my girlfriend so beautiful and sexy?"

Kaoru's face turned red again.

"Oh, and cute," Butch added cheekily.

"If you don't shut up _right now_ , I will _kick_ your ass."

"Not unless I slap yours first."

" _Oh, my God_."

Butch cackled as he grabbed her hand and pulled her in closer. "Come on. You know I love you."

"Yeah, which makes me want to slap you sometimes," Kaoru deadpanned.

Butch laughed again before he leaned in and kissed her on the lips. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, however, because Kaoru pulled away, which made him pout.

It was Kaoru's turn to laugh. "Come on, let's go eat. I'm hungry."

Butch couldn't help but smile, especially with how beautiful and addicting her laughter sounded to his ears, as he held hands with her. "All right."

And as they headed off the food court, Butch was thankful for everything that happened—the fact that he had gone to that mixer, that Kaoru had shown up and didn't ditch, and that Brick, Momoko, Boomer, and Miyako intervened—because now, here he was, on a date with Kaoru Matsubara, the girl he loved for as long as he could remember, even though he was unaware of it for _so_ fucking long.

Despite the past heartaches and pain, he and Kaoru both knew that their current relationship was worth it. Now, he could kiss her, hold her hand, and hug her as much as he wanted to, and best of all, he was by her side again, just like back then.

Kaoru groaned, breaking Butch's train of thought, as they stood from a distance to stare at the various menus on top of each stand. "I should've known the food would've been expensive."

"Hey, Kaoru?"

Kaoru turned her head to face Butch. "Yeah?"

Immediately, he leaned down to kiss her—a deep, long passionate kiss—before he finally pulled away and grinned, resisting the urge to snicker at how red her cheeks became. "I love you."

Kaoru's face turned redder, but when Butch pulled her in close to hug her and kiss her forehead, she mumbled in embarrassment, "I love you, too." She then paused. "But I really wish you'd stop doing that. It's embarrassing as hell."

Butch gave her a cheeky grin when she pulled away. "I couldn't resist, though."

Kaoru immediately smacked his arm, her cheeks beginning to flare up again as she pouted. "I mean it."

Butch laughed. "Okay, okay! Damn, babe!"

And as Butch gave her a kiss on the cheek, he knew that this relationship they had was something that would always last—forever and ever.

* * *

 **A/N:** Whether you've reviewed or been a silent reader, I just wanted to say thank you for reading this, especially since this was something I wrote as a way to vent. It really means a lot to me, especially if you enjoyed it despite the rollercoaster ride. (I hope this ending makes up for it, though!)

As I mentioned in my A/N at the beginning of this fanfic, I planned to end this at a certain point, and that point was actually Chapter 5 where Kaoru confesses to Butch and he rejects her. My reasoning behind this was because every person you meet in life has a role to play in _your_ life—your _story_ —and sometimes, they don't always stay within that role, or worse, they leave, in which case, they've finished playing their role in one chapter of your life.

The other thing is, as I mentioned in the beginning of this fanfic, not everything has a happy ending. Life isn't about sparkles and sunshine—there are happy moments, sad ones, painful ones, angry ones—heck, you name it, and realistically, some things just _stay_ broken and can't (or shouldn't) be fixed. But, of course, as I _also_ mentioned in the beginning of the fanfic, I felt like I wasn't giving closure with this fanfic ending at Chapter 5, which is why I kept writing until I ended up here in Chapter 8.

If you, the reader, had resonated with this fanfic in any way (especially if you were in Kaoru's standing), then I just want to let you know that you're not alone, that you're worth it, and that things _will_ get better as time passes and as long as you have a support network around you. I know that for me, having closure, a support network, and just _time_ helped me a lot to move on and recover—but, of course, everyone is different and has their own set of problems and way of coping. Just please, at the end of the day, try to cope with your problems in a healthy way and remember that _you are worth it_ no matter what those voices in your head might tell you.

With all that said, I'll see you all next time in one of my fanfics! (If you decide to check them out, of course.)


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